Television: October 2008 Archives
"Gosh! This dress is taking up the whole limo!"
-- Real Housewife of Orange County Lauri, overheard on a RHoOC rerun on a Jetblue flight yesterday.
That little mention of where I overheard Lauri's once-absurd, currently-totally-revolting exclamation isn't meant as a bit of snobby "I only watch that crap on long flights" self-distancing from reality TV, just as an indication of the only current circumstance in which I will watch that program.
I've been a frequent and fairly-grateful consumer of Bravo's particular brand of upscale lifestyle-porn for the past few years, but I've always wondered what it would take to render what should've been unwatchable anyway ACTUALLY unwatchable.
Voila! A massive recession seems to be doing the trick! I jotted down that quote yesterday with the intention of limiting the post to the quote and a one sentence reaction to it, just as a cutesy wow-times-have-changed observational tidbit. But there's a new NYTimes profile of Bravo exec Lauren Zalaznick, the genius behind Bravo's ascendency, and from the sound of it she's still operating under the old new economy model wherein conspicuous displays of televised hyperconsumption and cheery socioeconomic obliviousness (hey Lauri!) don't turn our collective gut and make us spew chunks all over our we-now-realize-way-too-late-far-too-expensive plasma-screen TVs.
I haven't read it all yet--still stuck on that amazing anecdote in which Zalaznick gives a hilarious pistol-whipping to walleyed gay puppydog Andy Cohen--but Jezzie's witty account seems to confirm my suspicions that Bravo's golden geese might be cooked.
-- Real Housewife of Orange County Lauri, overheard on a RHoOC rerun on a Jetblue flight yesterday.
That little mention of where I overheard Lauri's once-absurd, currently-totally-revolting exclamation isn't meant as a bit of snobby "I only watch that crap on long flights" self-distancing from reality TV, just as an indication of the only current circumstance in which I will watch that program.
I've been a frequent and fairly-grateful consumer of Bravo's particular brand of upscale lifestyle-porn for the past few years, but I've always wondered what it would take to render what should've been unwatchable anyway ACTUALLY unwatchable.
Voila! A massive recession seems to be doing the trick! I jotted down that quote yesterday with the intention of limiting the post to the quote and a one sentence reaction to it, just as a cutesy wow-times-have-changed observational tidbit. But there's a new NYTimes profile of Bravo exec Lauren Zalaznick, the genius behind Bravo's ascendency, and from the sound of it she's still operating under the old new economy model wherein conspicuous displays of televised hyperconsumption and cheery socioeconomic obliviousness (hey Lauri!) don't turn our collective gut and make us spew chunks all over our we-now-realize-way-too-late-far-too-expensive plasma-screen TVs.
I haven't read it all yet--still stuck on that amazing anecdote in which Zalaznick gives a hilarious pistol-whipping to walleyed gay puppydog Andy Cohen--but Jezzie's witty account seems to confirm my suspicions that Bravo's golden geese might be cooked.
Please put John McCain on the next season of Dancing With the Stars!!
Homer Simpson as Don Draper in a preview from the 19th Annual Simpsons Halloween episode.
Only moderately amusing but newsworthy I suppose. (I do like the lollipop.)
(Via Videogum)
The Advocate has the (print only) scoop on former Buffy star Tom Lenk's recent coming out.
Who cares, you ask? i don't know! Aren't all feys endlessly obsessed with Who's Fey in Hollywood? AfterElton (where I first read the news) seems to have built their site almost entirely on the assumption that they are. Besides, it stands to reason that if you read this geeky fey site there is at least a one-in-ten chance you are as absurdly Buffy-fixated as we are.
Besides, there's some serious Fey news at the core of this story:
(via AfterElton)
Who cares, you ask? i don't know! Aren't all feys endlessly obsessed with Who's Fey in Hollywood? AfterElton (where I first read the news) seems to have built their site almost entirely on the assumption that they are. Besides, it stands to reason that if you read this geeky fey site there is at least a one-in-ten chance you are as absurdly Buffy-fixated as we are.
Besides, there's some serious Fey news at the core of this story:
Lenk pinged quite a few gaydars including Buffy creator Joss Whedon, who told The Advocate that Andrew hadn't been planned as gay, but when Lenk auditioned they decided to take the character that way since "Tom has a bit of a fey thing going on in his persona that, you know, you can't really deny."If Joss Whedon says Tom Lenk is in the club, Tom Lenk is IN THE CLUB. Anyways, I always thought he was the funniest thing in Buffy's sort of lackluster final season. (One of the other Feys strongly disagrees with me though.)
(via AfterElton)
Courtney Thorne-Smith, the Wealthiest Actress in Hollywood, is about to get a whole lot richer!
According to EW, The CW is planning to relaunch Melrose Place as a companion to their semi-/sorta-/kinda-successful 90210 reboot. And while the miserable whiners and nitpickers out there are sure to complain that unlike a superhero relaunch there is something uniquely pointless, even perverse in "rebooting" franchises that have no particular IP value besides their names (occasional Doherty guest appearances aside, what is 90210 version 2 but a generic teen show?) the Feyfriends are delighted to hear that CTS stands a chance of making even more $$$ off the too-long dormant MP brand.
We are even more excited by the possibility that we might get to see more ofHENRY MICHAEL MANCINI, aka Thomas Calabro, aka THE HOTTEST MAN IN HOLLYWOOD. What CTS has in money, Calabro has in god-given smarm and hots...and according to the rumor-mongers on the IMDB messageboards, he's not doing too bad in the $$$ department either!
According to EW, The CW is planning to relaunch Melrose Place as a companion to their semi-/sorta-/kinda-successful 90210 reboot. And while the miserable whiners and nitpickers out there are sure to complain that unlike a superhero relaunch there is something uniquely pointless, even perverse in "rebooting" franchises that have no particular IP value besides their names (occasional Doherty guest appearances aside, what is 90210 version 2 but a generic teen show?) the Feyfriends are delighted to hear that CTS stands a chance of making even more $$$ off the too-long dormant MP brand.
We are even more excited by the possibility that we might get to see more of
"A real hottie with a great body, I heard he invested well with the Melrose money and he is very rich and can take whatever he wants and does not have to work."I hope he cashed out before the crash! Anyways, I can't think of any better occasion to post Thomas Calabro's infamous STRIP-TEASE scene from the classic made-for-TV movie Ladykillers. His starmaking turn is best described by IMDB user Dataconflossmoor:
"I read he invested in Intel and is now a multi millionare and just has the good life."
Thomas Calabro did an amazing job as the role of a HUNKY male dancer in the movie "Ladykillers".....What a fantastic entertainer!!!...The one scene where he was stripped down to his tight black underwear was truly sensational!!!..I enjoyed this film very very very much and Thomas Calabro was one of the major reasons why!!!...The fact that he is so HANDSOME!!! and his dancing was incredibly SEXY!!! made watching this film an absolute pleasure!!!!Full-length, SFW-ish, and super low-quality video footage of Thomas Calabro baring it (almost!) all after the button pressy!
Continue reading Melrose Place 2.0: About Frikkin' Time!.
The Feyfriends agree with the Funfriends that this profile of Mary Kate and Ashely Olsen is really so much better than it needs to be. But we're not surprised: Ginia Bellafante wrote it, and Ginia Bellafante also wrote this amazing piece about My So-Called Life on the event of its arrival to DVD. She appears to be making a career out of turning the kinds of assignments that NYTimes culture-piece journos typically phone in and using them instead as platforms for actually examining stuff...and, even more miraculously, actually doing justice to her subjects!
What's that? Take multimedia geniuses and brand-builders Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen seriously as individuals and as entrepreneurs? Crazy!
You know who isn't doing a good job of writing cultural criticism that rises above the lowest level of culture-reportage hackery? Jake Halpern of NPR. Driving back from Obama canvassing in Laughlin, Nevada with Fey Friend Michael, I overheard his little appreciation of the television program Mad Men. Guess what: he likes it!
The piece, imaginatively titled "Why I Love Mad Men," contains such chestnuts as "The show brings the early 1960s to life in a way that is so fresh, it almost feels like you are stepping into a time machine. The details — right down to women's underwear — with their girdles — are meticulously recreated. And the vision is dark," to this spectactularly trite, faux-bold statement: "It may be considered lowbrow to call a cable TV show art, but that's precisely what it is. The writing is eloquent, the characters are nuanced, and the stories are deliciously unhurried."
This guy gets paid to boil down the tidal wave of praise for this show to its dumb essence, and to do it a full year after the sentiment--which is seriously flawed anyway--is even fresh?
I may have to send a resume to NPR right now. I hope they like lots of exclamation points and glittery stickers!
What's that? Take multimedia geniuses and brand-builders Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen seriously as individuals and as entrepreneurs? Crazy!
You know who isn't doing a good job of writing cultural criticism that rises above the lowest level of culture-reportage hackery? Jake Halpern of NPR. Driving back from Obama canvassing in Laughlin, Nevada with Fey Friend Michael, I overheard his little appreciation of the television program Mad Men. Guess what: he likes it!
The piece, imaginatively titled "Why I Love Mad Men," contains such chestnuts as "The show brings the early 1960s to life in a way that is so fresh, it almost feels like you are stepping into a time machine. The details — right down to women's underwear — with their girdles — are meticulously recreated. And the vision is dark," to this spectactularly trite, faux-bold statement: "It may be considered lowbrow to call a cable TV show art, but that's precisely what it is. The writing is eloquent, the characters are nuanced, and the stories are deliciously unhurried."
This guy gets paid to boil down the tidal wave of praise for this show to its dumb essence, and to do it a full year after the sentiment--which is seriously flawed anyway--is even fresh?
I may have to send a resume to NPR right now. I hope they like lots of exclamation points and glittery stickers!
I'm going to be driving to Laughlin, NV to help out the Obama Campaign (I'm awesome like that) so this video of Felicia "Snoop" Pearson from The Wire being interviewed by Brian Lehrer is the best I'll be able to do for a while. Hopefully the other Feys will man up and CONTRIBUTE for a change.
(Tip to Feys: just lift a choice clip from PoeTV as filler! I do it all the time!)
Oh Lohan! You know how mischievious those lesbos can be! Samantha Ronson's foxy ladywife apparently got herself into trouble with braceface Betty "America Ferrarra" Suarez -- America's ugly sweetheart-- on the set of The Ugly Betty Show, on which La Lohan herself was scheduled to do a six epidsode run.
She only completed four before the tyrannical Miss America had the flame-tressed superstar banished forever from the MODE offices and the staff scrambling for rewrites!
The source of America's ire? For a scene where Betty was supposed to "pull down Lindsay's pants," Lindsay-- in a typical lesbo trick-- neglected to wear undies! Those lesbos can be so saucy! Miss America was not amused.
(Via Jezebel)
As we all know, Ellen Degeneres is nothing less than a true American hero and I love her. I even own a copy of Ellen's classic early 90s memoir, "My Point...And I Do Have One" -- okay, it was a gift. B/c of my special feelings, I've decided to break my self-imposed Pig Palin moratorium today. So without further ado, watch Ellen get all political on the gay-hating antics of Sarah Palin and her support for a federal amendment banning gay marriage.
Via Think Progress.
AHhhhh!! Bobo tells me that ALLISON from INTERVENTION is old and everyone already saw it except me but I don't care because I am watching it OnDemand for my first time ever and it is I swear the most crazy fucking thing I have ever seen in my life!!!!!!!! I am screaming! Ahhhh!!!!!! (That's a scream!!!!!)
Who does Allison remind me of? Don't say Ruth Stoops because Citizen Ruth is obviously 10 million times less crazy than this lunatic. Can I keep watching this? I think it might give me nightmares! Help!!!!! How is it that Alison is so scary yet so delightful?!
(FYI: Allison huffs 10 cans of computer duster every day and easily beats Christy and Laney as the most insane Intervention lady ever!)
It may be time to get out of the Palin-bashing business!
Yeah, it was fun two weeks ago, back when it was STILL TOTALLY EDGY, but now everybody's doing it...and it gets harder and harder to keep up! In doing one last late-night sweep of the internet in anticipation of Monday's punishing posting schedule, I've come across no fewer than 6 must-have, totally LOL Pig Palin videos, not to mention this nifty gif. (WhiteRabbitCult, via Funfriends.)
Feys, staring down the likely (but hopefully only temporary!) retirement of Sarah Palin from the public eye, it may be time to ask ourselves, "What is our exit strategy?"
In the interest of leading our transition from 24-7 Palin coverage to like-really-once-a-day-max-from-now-on-please-guys I am relegating our latest roundup of videos to after the jump. If we have the decency to do no. 2 behind closed bathroom doors, isn't it only fair to Ms. Pig that we do the same when we defecate on her?
Yeah, it was fun two weeks ago, back when it was STILL TOTALLY EDGY, but now everybody's doing it...and it gets harder and harder to keep up! In doing one last late-night sweep of the internet in anticipation of Monday's punishing posting schedule, I've come across no fewer than 6 must-have, totally LOL Pig Palin videos, not to mention this nifty gif. (WhiteRabbitCult, via Funfriends.)
Feys, staring down the likely (but hopefully only temporary!) retirement of Sarah Palin from the public eye, it may be time to ask ourselves, "What is our exit strategy?"
In the interest of leading our transition from 24-7 Palin coverage to like-really-once-a-day-max-from-now-on-please-guys I am relegating our latest roundup of videos to after the jump. If we have the decency to do no. 2 behind closed bathroom doors, isn't it only fair to Ms. Pig that we do the same when we defecate on her?
Continue reading Sad State of Fey: Palin Video Linkdump.
According to Jezzie, Sarah Palin's rumored then confirmed and then denied appearance on SNL has been freshly reconfirmed, so be sure to tune in to virtually every blog on the planet Monday morning to check the Hulu embeds of Ms. Pig's Big Trip to 30 Rock.
No offense to our friend Connie, who writes for the show, but we have a hard time imagining that whatever skit she appears in will be half as LOL as the above video. (Note: this is NOT the original Palin-Couric video.)
Total genius Glark has made this truly lol series of TV title card parodies. (FYI: I'm basing that "total genius" solely on the evidence of this one post.) These three are our personal faves:
Um, so true.
Also true!
Ouchie mama!
We started to do a response piece with the Ugly Betty title card where we added an 'F' at the beginning of the show's name but then junked it when we realized we are stupid doodyheads with lame ideas and even lamer Photoshop skills.
(via Defamer)
Um, so true.Also true!Ouchie mama!We started to do a response piece with the Ugly Betty title card where we added an 'F' at the beginning of the show's name but then junked it when we realized we are stupid doodyheads with lame ideas and even lamer Photoshop skills.
(via Defamer)
Poor Rocco DiSpirito... the world just never seems to be living up to his dreams. This was never more true than last night when he got defeated by none other than the aged Beverly Ann Stickle on the hit television program called "Dancin' With the Stars." He was wearing a pretty little pink flamenco number. Could it be said that he was in OVER HIS HEAD?
Or could the votes have been rigged? I guess you best investigate!
Rocco is surely cursing the fact that MRS. GARRETT wasn't his competition. That lady can barely move these days. (She still would have beaten him.)
(Via Gawker)
As serious Suze Orman fans, we were so happy to see that she isn't scolding the poors for our current financial troubles!
On her show and in person-to-person communications, Suze is quick to preach personal accountability and responsibility when it comes to finances...which is as it should be. But she's not going to take the blame-Acorn/blame-the-blacks/blame-the-poors approach of disgraceful, fire-breathing bitches like Michelle Bachmann and Ann Coulter. She puts most of the blame for this collapse where it belongs...at the top!
"We have built an entire economy on lies and deceit. It's like building a home or an entire building on a sinkhole. You have a foundation, supposedly. But a little crack, if something goes wrong -- a little earthquake, a tremor -- and it starts to open, everything starts to fall down and ... that is exactly what has happened in the United States of America.Why are lezzies SO DAMN GOOD at talking common sense? The only person I love more than Suze Orman is Kristen Wiig playing Suze Orman.
"There was greed at the top -- serious greed. When you have stocks, you have individual companies that want to make money. And [CEOs] want to make more money because the more money they make, the more their compensation is, the more their stock price goes up.
"Have you all ever wondered, 'Why does Suze Orman say people first, then money, then things?' It means if we cared about people more than we cared about money, we would not be having what happened today, because the people who run the corporations, if they had cared about all of you, they wouldn't have created loans that you couldn't afford."
(CNN, via JoeMyGod)
I think it's safe to say that Golden Girl Betty White speaks for all of women and fey America when she calls Sarah Palin a "crazy bitch." It's also amazing that, at 86 years old, she's so horny for Barack Obama. It's like Rose has transformed into Blanche before our eyes!
I know a lot of you feygots are still mourning the demise of Lisa Kudrow's The Comeback so I thought you'd want to be informed that she has a new web series, Web Therapy. She's the star, co-writer and producer; Don Roos, who put Kudrow to such great use in The Opposite of Sex, is the director and co-writer.
The first episode is posted above. The fact that I got through an entire seven minute webisode (a thing I usually HATE) without checking my email once bodes pretty well! Episode 2, which is even better, and in which Kudrow is even more Kudrowy, can be found here.
(via BoingBoing)
BREAKING!!!
Mad Men’s hottest DILF John Slattery is going door-to-door canvassing for Obama
in Virginia. Today the League of Conservation Voters, which works to turn environmental values into national priorities, announced a special addition to its Virginia canvass in support of Barack Obama for President. On October 11th, John Slattery, star of the Emmy Award winning series Mad Men, will go door-to-door with LCV volunteers to encourage Virginians to vote for Senator Obama.
So some sad and recently fired straight guy Wall Streeter is offering up his "Gay Virginity" for money. Bidding is (supposedly) up to $21k. Oh yeah, and he's apparently a dead ringer for jewy sex God SETH COHEN. Frank, I assume you're digging for change in the couch cushions as we speak!
Some thoughts on this so-called "Gay Virginity Auction":
- This guy sounds really nice! I would do him.
- When does a straight, suit-wearing out of work lawyer (or banker or whatever) stop being attractive because of the allure of his occupation and start being plain old poor and undesirable? (Apparently not yet because I have an erection.)
- Wait a minute, he's only agreeing to give a handjob and a BJ?
- Is he even going to get naked himself? He says he will wear his suit. But... he'll take it off, right?
- The more of this I read the more it seems like he is planning on remaining fully dressed.
- Can you really lose your "virginity" while wearing a suit?
- SETH COHENNNNNNNN
- He talks a lot about how good looking he is-- and somehow I totally believe him-- but no mention whatsoever of D STATS?
- Who ever heard of such a thing!?
- I would still totally do him. Call me a softie but he seems sweet.
In conclusion, I am posting a several erotic but tastefully safe for work pictures of Seth Cohen after the "jump." CAUSE THAT'S JUST HOW WE ROLL HERE AT FEYFRIENDS.
(We would like to take a moment to thank NSFW STICKY for alerting us to this amazing opportunity!)
Continue reading Fey Alert: Virgin For Sale!.
This is so hot. If only I was Rachel Ray. And that corn was James Gandolfini.
Friend of the Feys Arch Noble has bravely taken it upon himself to track down the origins of this pic of The Amazing Race dicktestant and butterface Dallas Imbimbo. (Real name!)
And even though the results are inconclusive--why is it so much lighter than his face? Is it even really his 'D'?--and even though we're not quite sure why he went to all that effort (and, as he admits, neither does he) we'd be remiss if we didn't inform you of his 'A'-for-effort detective work.
To follow the trail with Arch, and to see the full NSFW pic, click here.
(via ArchNoble)
Palin: "As for homosexuality, I am not going to judge Americans and the decisions that they make in their adult personal relationships. I have one of my absolute best friends for the last 30 years happens to be gay and I love her dearly. She's not my 'gay' friend, she is one of my best friends who happens to have made a choice that isn't a choice that I have made. But I'm not going to judge people."
Hear that feys? She's 'not going to judge us!' YAY!
As a gay blog I thought we'd be remiss in not posting this, even though at this point the most interesting thing about Palin is that her sheer syntactical incompetence (i.e., her apparent stupidity) has managed to outshine even her absurd positions on abortion or homosexuality, not the absurd positions themself. Nobody in the media can be bothered to address the substance of her remarks because they are too occupied dealing with the fact that she is so obviously a total effing moron. (Also probably because her remarks have no substance.)
Also: "Gaaaaaaaay."
(via JoeMyGod)