Smutt: October 2008 Archives
My abilities in the witty French-joke headline writing dept. are limited by the fact that I don't speak a word of French besides 'oui'--like most Americans I am both obnoxiously proud and secretly ashamed of this fact--so let's hurry quickly on to the point of this post: two new French safe-sex PSAs from the folks who brought you those terrifying(ly erotic) spider+scorpion sex print ads (NSFW-ish) and Wilfred Brimo's (also NSFW-ish) astonishing, heartbreaking, altogether brilliant "Sugar Baby Love" safe gay-sex psa* and it's only slightly lesser heterosex equivalent.
These new clips are not quite the masterworks that Brimo's videos were--the lady version in particular seems like a kinda of inapt/inept representation of the female sexual experience, about which I have zero firsthand experience but thousands of baseless-but-strongly-held opinions--but they are certainly state-of-the-art CGI raunch. They're kind of like the WALL*E of erotic psas.
NSFW-ish clips after the jump.
* (Which BTW OMG how could I forget to place that video on our supposedly authoritative list of the Top 10 Feyest Videos? It's only my favorite gay internet vid of all time! If I could go in some kind of time machine and live my entire life over again, the first and only change I'd make to my otherwise flawless existence would be to get things right by putting that clip in its rightful place in the number 1 slot on that list. Sorry Samwell.)
Continue reading French Safe Sex PSAs: Quite Good, Oui?.
Courtney Thorne-Smith, the Wealthiest Actress in Hollywood, is about to get a whole lot richer!
According to EW, The CW is planning to relaunch Melrose Place as a companion to their semi-/sorta-/kinda-successful 90210 reboot. And while the miserable whiners and nitpickers out there are sure to complain that unlike a superhero relaunch there is something uniquely pointless, even perverse in "rebooting" franchises that have no particular IP value besides their names (occasional Doherty guest appearances aside, what is 90210 version 2 but a generic teen show?) the Feyfriends are delighted to hear that CTS stands a chance of making even more $$$ off the too-long dormant MP brand.
We are even more excited by the possibility that we might get to see more ofHENRY MICHAEL MANCINI, aka Thomas Calabro, aka THE HOTTEST MAN IN HOLLYWOOD. What CTS has in money, Calabro has in god-given smarm and hots...and according to the rumor-mongers on the IMDB messageboards, he's not doing too bad in the $$$ department either!
According to EW, The CW is planning to relaunch Melrose Place as a companion to their semi-/sorta-/kinda-successful 90210 reboot. And while the miserable whiners and nitpickers out there are sure to complain that unlike a superhero relaunch there is something uniquely pointless, even perverse in "rebooting" franchises that have no particular IP value besides their names (occasional Doherty guest appearances aside, what is 90210 version 2 but a generic teen show?) the Feyfriends are delighted to hear that CTS stands a chance of making even more $$$ off the too-long dormant MP brand.
We are even more excited by the possibility that we might get to see more of
"A real hottie with a great body, I heard he invested well with the Melrose money and he is very rich and can take whatever he wants and does not have to work."I hope he cashed out before the crash! Anyways, I can't think of any better occasion to post Thomas Calabro's infamous STRIP-TEASE scene from the classic made-for-TV movie Ladykillers. His starmaking turn is best described by IMDB user Dataconflossmoor:
"I read he invested in Intel and is now a multi millionare and just has the good life."
Thomas Calabro did an amazing job as the role of a HUNKY male dancer in the movie "Ladykillers".....What a fantastic entertainer!!!...The one scene where he was stripped down to his tight black underwear was truly sensational!!!..I enjoyed this film very very very much and Thomas Calabro was one of the major reasons why!!!...The fact that he is so HANDSOME!!! and his dancing was incredibly SEXY!!! made watching this film an absolute pleasure!!!!Full-length, SFW-ish, and super low-quality video footage of Thomas Calabro baring it (almost!) all after the button pressy!
Continue reading Melrose Place 2.0: About Frikkin' Time!.
Back in September the Feyfriends flew to Wasilla, Alaska to join forces with those brave souls counterprotesting the despicable Alaska Women Reject Pig Palin Non-Partisan Rally and took a break between screaming "Babykiller" and "Murderer, Filthy Murderers" at those Pig Palin-bashers to have a quick brunch and ad hoc editorial meeting at Wasilla's own Alpine Garden Grille. (In case you were wondering, Jmzz's huevos rancheros were predictably wretched. What was he thinking, so far North?!)
While a lot of our talk revolved around the best shilling strategy for our beloved Ms. Pig, we also gave much thought and attention to the matter of tacos and burritos, aka BUTTS and PEENZ. We knew of course that we wanted to GO THERE, but HOW FAR did we want to go? Bmad, prude that he is, insisted that the test for whether a nudie pic was fey-worthy should be whether or not the picture was going to inspire some psychopathic perv on the internet to actually take it out of his cargo pants and MASTURBATE RIGHT THEN AND THERE. That, he said, would definitely be going TOO FAR.
Cowards that we are, me and Jmzz agreed with him. (Special Tyler was mum.) And I still do, in theory. When I first decided to post a few snaps from the althomo zine Pinups, I intended it solely as an anthropological service to our readers, just like a "here is a thing." But the more I looked, the more I realized that Pinups magazine was singlehandedly CHANGING THE WAY I LOOK AT MEN. Up until now, I thought that all men should ideally look like Ken dolls retrofitted for anatomical correctness. No flab, no manboobs, and absolutely ZERO PUBES! Now, I'm beginning to think I may be happier lusting after DUDES WHO LOOK LIKE DUDES.
For a few sample Pinups pics, click on the NSFW clicky wicky.
While a lot of our talk revolved around the best shilling strategy for our beloved Ms. Pig, we also gave much thought and attention to the matter of tacos and burritos, aka BUTTS and PEENZ. We knew of course that we wanted to GO THERE, but HOW FAR did we want to go? Bmad, prude that he is, insisted that the test for whether a nudie pic was fey-worthy should be whether or not the picture was going to inspire some psychopathic perv on the internet to actually take it out of his cargo pants and MASTURBATE RIGHT THEN AND THERE. That, he said, would definitely be going TOO FAR.
Cowards that we are, me and Jmzz agreed with him. (Special Tyler was mum.) And I still do, in theory. When I first decided to post a few snaps from the althomo zine Pinups, I intended it solely as an anthropological service to our readers, just like a "here is a thing." But the more I looked, the more I realized that Pinups magazine was singlehandedly CHANGING THE WAY I LOOK AT MEN. Up until now, I thought that all men should ideally look like Ken dolls retrofitted for anatomical correctness. No flab, no manboobs, and absolutely ZERO PUBES! Now, I'm beginning to think I may be happier lusting after DUDES WHO LOOK LIKE DUDES.
For a few sample Pinups pics, click on the NSFW clicky wicky.
Continue reading Hung Up On Pinups.
Has Of Montreal's Kevin Barnes always been such a massive, falsetto-singing MANSLUT, or has his developing indie-rock superstardom and all its attendant pizzussy made him what he is today? I think I remember him being a pretty averagely sexual indie-boy (read: not hardly sexual at all!) before Of Montreal catapulted to greatness with 2004's Satanic Panic in the Attic. But now he's all Mr. Naked All The Time, putting out the most brazenly sexual indie album ever, and singing such filthy things as "I want you to be my Pleasure Puss, I want to know how it feels to be inside you" and, from "Id Engager": "Can't help it if it's true, don't want to be your man/just want to play with you." If lyrics like that aren't proof that Barnes is rolling in so much poon it's making his head spin, I don't know what is!
New LP Skeletal Lamping is no Hissing Fauna, bu it's exquisitely raunchy, sonically adventurous (self-ed note: hackneyed phrase alert!) and this video for "Id Engager" is kewl.
(via Pitchfork)
Oh, Worst of Playgirl! I'm going to miss you! This is our final WoP photo series, which means I will no longer have an excuse to go nosing around in vintage Playgirls for examples of dick-shrivelling anti-hotness. Which, okay, I'm also kind of relieved about. Over the past few weeks, I've actually started having freaky dreams about smushed tushes, quasi-bestiality, sweater snafus, and hideous hairdon'ts.
To that list of Playgirlian nightmare-fodder you can now add TRASH STACHES. As can be expected from vintage erotica, there's lots of pretty unforgivable facial hair literring the pages of old Playgirls: sleazy pussy ticklers, beastly beards, and dykey van dykes. We've picked out some of the worst.
Since a massive gay-hipster consensus has emerged on the ultimate desirability of grotesque facial hair configurations, I'm going to have to state my bias up front: whether from genetic happenstance or a severe testosterone deficiency, I am physically incapable of growing any kind of facial hair. As a result I tend to regard the woolly of lip and the bushy of cheek with a mixture of revulsion, awe, and stomach-churning envy.
For a look at some of the weirdest, woolliest, and just plain WRONGEST facial grooming choices from Playgirl's past, click on the NSFW bing bong.
To that list of Playgirlian nightmare-fodder you can now add TRASH STACHES. As can be expected from vintage erotica, there's lots of pretty unforgivable facial hair literring the pages of old Playgirls: sleazy pussy ticklers, beastly beards, and dykey van dykes. We've picked out some of the worst.
Since a massive gay-hipster consensus has emerged on the ultimate desirability of grotesque facial hair configurations, I'm going to have to state my bias up front: whether from genetic happenstance or a severe testosterone deficiency, I am physically incapable of growing any kind of facial hair. As a result I tend to regard the woolly of lip and the bushy of cheek with a mixture of revulsion, awe, and stomach-churning envy.
For a look at some of the weirdest, woolliest, and just plain WRONGEST facial grooming choices from Playgirl's past, click on the NSFW bing bong.
Continue reading Worst of Playgirl: Trash Staches.
This piece and others by Richard Kern are being shown in the East Village here. Art Fag City and their commentors have some unkind words for it ; I don't know enough about Kern to comment either way. (All I know is that he photographed the dingy puppets for the cover of Sonic Youth's Dirty.) But at this moment at least I kind of respond to the puerility of this.
UPDATE: As commentor Barry points out, those dingy puppet pics were taken by Mike Kelley. I misremembered Kern's SY connection: he actually directed the video for "Death Valley '69" and took the cover shot for EVOL.
(via ArtFagCity)
UPDATE: As commentor Barry points out, those dingy puppet pics were taken by Mike Kelley. I misremembered Kern's SY connection: he actually directed the video for "Death Valley '69" and took the cover shot for EVOL.
(via ArtFagCity)
Friend of the Feys Arch Noble has bravely taken it upon himself to track down the origins of this pic of The Amazing Race dicktestant and butterface Dallas Imbimbo. (Real name!)
And even though the results are inconclusive--why is it so much lighter than his face? Is it even really his 'D'?--and even though we're not quite sure why he went to all that effort (and, as he admits, neither does he) we'd be remiss if we didn't inform you of his 'A'-for-effort detective work.
To follow the trail with Arch, and to see the full NSFW pic, click here.
(via ArchNoble)
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