Smutt: September 2008 Archives
We usually refrain from posting content from the amazing OMGBLOG -- if you come here, you've probably seen it there first anyway -- but this mindblowing sex-and-cartoon video for LA's Flying Lotus makes too perfect a companion to that Diesel ad from last week for us not to post it here too.
It's Not Safe For Work -- and also probably for epileptics -- and so posted after the pressy.
Continue reading Bedknobs & Broomdicks 2: Dancing Dale.
An issue that maybe I should take up with a psychiatrist: I'm completely comfortable peddling soft-core smut on Feyfriends, but only as long as I'm putting up pictures of men I myself find either totally absurd or completely unattractive. Like when I discovered a load of nude screencaps of Scott Baio-sidekick Willie Aames I knew I could throw them up here with no feelings of personal discomfort or squeamishness.
Is it an addiction to irony and mockery that drives my inclination, or is it the fact that if I were to put up pictures of men I DO find irresistable--Harvey Kietel, Benjamin Netanyahu--nobody would ever come here again?
OH WAIT! You don't care! You just want to see pics of Buddy Lembeck naked! (What is wrong with you?)
For fully nude NSFW screencaps of Willie Aames and his revolting ringlets, click on the button pressy.
Continue reading Willie Aames: Willy & Aass.
How did everyone miss this? In last night's PRESIDENTIAL debate, when Obama called McCain out on his foolish opposition to holding a meeting with the prime minister of Spain b/c he's a Mexican terrorist, McCain CUSSES HIM OUT! He called Obama's TRUE claim "HORSESHIT"!!!!!
Swing voters h8 swearing. On the other hand, Republicans might think "yay, he's a hateful, erratic, bitter old white man, just like us!"
Can the FCC plz fine McCain ASAP??!
UPDATE: Maybe he is saying "WARSHINGTON."
Sarah Palin's swimsuit competition clip has finally arrived! Will Miss Alaska become Miss America????
Italian design firm Diesel S.p.A. is celebrating its 30th year of existence with some kind of multi-city event on October 11th about which I care precisely nil. But to kick things off they commissioned The Viral Factory to produce an astonishing ad featuring vintage 70's porn footage overlaid with Yellow Submarine-ish animation that obscures--and transforms--the dirty action beneath. Even though the whole thing is pretty Vice-y, I love it.
While all nudie parts are covered, the overall effect of a candy-colored carnal phantasmagoria synched to unaltered porno music and moaning is somehow even MORE pornographic than the undoctored porn footage.
For an only somewhat safer for work glimpse of the ad--image captures courtesy of moi--click on the button pressy.
UPDATE: An embeddable clip has been made available...I've thrown it in after the jump.
(via AdFreak)
Continue reading Diesel Turns XXX: Bedknobs & Broomdicks.
I'm really not sure that I'm going to have much energy for witty or even pseudo-witty captioning for this, the penultimate entry in our "Worst of Playgirl" photo series. I look at a picture like the one posted above and all I can do is raise my arms in defeat and ask: really?
I'm sure the fine fellow above is happily, blamelessly munching away on a morning's bowl of Frosted Flakes, so let me be clear: I do not blame him. Nude or not, even models need to sit down and take a load off every now and again.
All the blame lies with the former editors and photographers at Playgirl magazine. I mean, smushy tushies? You guys really thought this was a good idea?
For NSFW rumpsquishage, click on the button pressy.
I'm sure the fine fellow above is happily, blamelessly munching away on a morning's bowl of Frosted Flakes, so let me be clear: I do not blame him. Nude or not, even models need to sit down and take a load off every now and again.
All the blame lies with the former editors and photographers at Playgirl magazine. I mean, smushy tushies? You guys really thought this was a good idea?
For NSFW rumpsquishage, click on the button pressy.
Continue reading The Worst of Playgirl: Smush Tush.
Empire's next.
Is there anything George Michael loves more than crack and bathroom sexxx? Apparently not! The star was found with the deadly drug after police were alerted by an attendant in the public toilets near Hampstead Heath, notorious as a hang-out for drug dealers and gay men, on Friday afternoon.Do they not have DLIST in London?
Outrageously, it looks like the Republican Kriminal Korner will not be gaining a new member after all.
Disgraced homo former Congressman MARK FOLEY (R-Gayface) will NOT, i repeat NOT, face criminal charges in Florida for his sexual relations with teen boi twinks. Why???? State officials claim there was "insufficient evidence to pursue criminal charges" against Maf54.
Oh please!! I'll give you some evidence:
Maf54 (7:46:33 PM): did any girl give you a haand job this weekend
Maf54 (7:47:11 PM): good so your getting horny
Maf54 (7:48:00 PM): did you spank it this weekend yourself
Maf54 (7:48:34 PM): i am never to busy haha
Maf54 (7:54:31 PM): where do you unload it
Maf54 (7:55:51 PM): cute butt bouncing in the air
Maf54 (7:58:37 PM): well I have aa totally stiff wood now
Maf54 (8:00:53 PM): i like steamroom
Maf54 (8:05:53 PM): and gram the one eyed snake
Maf54 (8:06:13 PM): grab
Maf54 (8:08:31 PM): get a ruler and measure it for me
Maf54 (8:09:04 PM): ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Maf54 (8:09:08 PM): beautiful
Maf54 (8:09:44 PM): thats a great size
Want more? The complete IM transcripts from
Mark Foley's disgusto conversation with an underage congressional page are after the BUTTON
PRESSY
Continue reading Foley Must Be Fingered!.
Well it seems that pretty hate machine known as Gawker (!) blog has found more grist for its mill!
Industrious undergrad Matthew M. Di Pasquale (above) has put together the astonishingly magazine-like campus magazine Diamond and Gawker must be so jealous that Diamond has ACTUAL PAGES and a pretty name (what is a "Gawker" anyway? Sounds pukey!) because I can think of no other reason to heap such unwarranted scorn on such a charming, smiling, naked young man!
According to its website, Diamond's "mission is to promote the exploration of sex, dating, and relationships in a safe, positive, and fun way." Well I should say he has accomplished exactly that! With articles and reviews of "The Dark Knight," "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia," an interview with some girl about how she likes to scuba dive, nude pics of editor Di Pasquale, and an essay about how football is popular, Diamond magazine has truly blown the lid off relationships and stuff!
Anyways, it's DEFINITELY "positive" and "fun." Every article is written like this! Declarative statements making happy and obvious points about things! Sometimes and sometimes not with exclamation points! They use emoticons in their interviews and they spell Barack Obama 'Barrack Obama' and 'retarded' 'retarted!' So fun!
I'm just so mad at Puker (tee hee) for making fun of Matthew, his magazine, and his peen (they call it 'micro' when it so is not...it's perfect just so). Well judge for yourself with our NSFW pics of Di Pasquale showing us his Full Monty (lol) after the jump!
Industrious undergrad Matthew M. Di Pasquale (above) has put together the astonishingly magazine-like campus magazine Diamond and Gawker must be so jealous that Diamond has ACTUAL PAGES and a pretty name (what is a "Gawker" anyway? Sounds pukey!) because I can think of no other reason to heap such unwarranted scorn on such a charming, smiling, naked young man!
According to its website, Diamond's "mission is to promote the exploration of sex, dating, and relationships in a safe, positive, and fun way." Well I should say he has accomplished exactly that! With articles and reviews of "The Dark Knight," "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia," an interview with some girl about how she likes to scuba dive, nude pics of editor Di Pasquale, and an essay about how football is popular, Diamond magazine has truly blown the lid off relationships and stuff!
Anyways, it's DEFINITELY "positive" and "fun." Every article is written like this! Declarative statements making happy and obvious points about things! Sometimes and sometimes not with exclamation points! They use emoticons in their interviews and they spell Barack Obama 'Barrack Obama' and 'retarded' 'retarted!' So fun!
I'm just so mad at Puker (tee hee) for making fun of Matthew, his magazine, and his peen (they call it 'micro' when it so is not...it's perfect just so). Well judge for yourself with our NSFW pics of Di Pasquale showing us his Full Monty (lol) after the jump!
Continue reading I'm in Love: A 'Diamond' Dissent.
Really, we don't ask that much of a male nude photospread: no "fun" with food or (especially) condiments. No hideously mis-coiffed or ruinously mis-styled models.
And, for the love of G-O-D, please: NO ANIMALS IN THE FRAME!
I suppose the hypothetical "female readership" of Playgirl magazine might've found it reassuring to see these men were secret softies about animals. And for these entirely-imaginary ladies perhaps that reassurance, that sense that these permy-mulleted men possessed such tender Gentle Ben sympathies, could maybe have translated into arousal. FINE. But at the very least you'd think Playgirl would have had the good sense to save the animal-patting for the clothed, non-nude portions of the spread!
For some nauseating NSFW pics of not-quite-bestiality, click on the bing-bong,
Continue reading The Worst of Playgirl: Manimalia.
Like Judiths Light and Barsi, the inimitable Cynthia Plaster Caster is nothing less than a true American hero!!!
Many of you will remember Cynthia from her famous plaster rendering of Jimi Hendrix's giant, but not especially handsome BURRITO. Indeed, Cynthia has been making casts of musicians' DONGS since the late 1960s.
Here is her description of a *sticky* experience she had with Jimi's bush:
Jimi's pubes got stuck in the mold because I didn't lube them enough. I spent the next 15 minutes pulling out each individual hair one by one, while he had intercourse with just the right sized repository — his negative impression! This unexpected delay made him late for his show that evening, where he was seen scratching his crotch a lot onstage.Yikes! For a pittance, Jimi's plaster COCK is available for purchase from Cynthia's website, where several other rock star penis molds are up for sale too. 75% of the proceeds from these WANGS goes to the Cynthia P. Caster Foundation (founded in 2002) and 25% goes to the musician whose MEMBER has been cast. (In case you were wondering, the CPC Foundation "is a legally sanctioned not-for-profit institution whose mission is to give money away to 'cutting-edge' musicians and artists in financial need.")
More NSFW rock star DICKS after the JUMPY!!!
Continue reading Masterpenises.
Duckboots. Snowflake-print sweater. Terrible hair. Must be a Playgirl coverboy! Seriously, this guy was posing for a magazine that was supposed to be about PHANTASY MEN and he couldn't even be bothered to TIE THE SHOELACES ON HIS DUCKBOOTS?
As I declared in my last Worst of Playgirl photo spread, there are five categories of Playgirl awfulness, five things they repeatedly got wrong, and I promised to document them all here on Fey. I will heroically soldier on through the remaining categories, but I must confess that BAD HAIR is still the numero uno transgression, the original sin of Playgirlian blechiness, and that it remains a common thread throughout the series.
Today's category is: sartorial snafus...but really it's mostly about SWEATERS, because so many Playgirl models seemed to wear them. Yes, sweaters: the single LEAST sexy article of men's clothing this side of footy pajamas. For the woolen, cottony, totally NSFW unhotness press on the hoity toity.
As I declared in my last Worst of Playgirl photo spread, there are five categories of Playgirl awfulness, five things they repeatedly got wrong, and I promised to document them all here on Fey. I will heroically soldier on through the remaining categories, but I must confess that BAD HAIR is still the numero uno transgression, the original sin of Playgirlian blechiness, and that it remains a common thread throughout the series.
Today's category is: sartorial snafus...but really it's mostly about SWEATERS, because so many Playgirl models seemed to wear them. Yes, sweaters: the single LEAST sexy article of men's clothing this side of footy pajamas. For the woolen, cottony, totally NSFW unhotness press on the hoity toity.
Continue reading The Worst of Playgirl: Sartorial Snafus.
At its current rating of 1.5 out of 5 stars on youtube, this handily qualifies as one of the most underrated videos on the entire interbutt.
You know that friend you have who is always winding up being a total whore by accident? You know, the kind of friend who is always calling you the morning after some totally foolish sex jam that he just doesn't know how he got himself into? "I just wanted to play Scrabble! I don't know what happened!"
I'm sure you know the friend I am talking about. (If you don't, the friend is you.)
Michael Lucid's Riley Comix is a feybulously REPULSIVE online comic about one such hapless slut-- the kind we all know and love. It stars a supposed "twink" named Riley -- who appears to be between the ages of 50 and 60 and in poor health -- and his nemesis, the truly nefarious (and similarly desiccated) Patrique, who's constantly trying for indeterminate reasons to trick Riley into having anal buttsex with a monstercocked musclebear named Beercan.
Riley, being the hothouse flower type, never MEANS to end up with a dick up his butt, but somehow... OOPSIES! I'm sure you know how it goes: You're just going for a little spin down the waterslide and suddenly: DICK IN BUTT!
Listen, although THE ADVENTURES OF RILEY is to me very hilarious, this comic is actually SO FUCKING DISGUSTING that I am not certain I can post a sample page on this here Feyfriends. There is just something about the emaciated LEERING faces and throbbing boners that just makes my stomach turn. Trust me, you don't want to see it. Really I promise you, you will vomit.
But if you're curious to see how the story started above continues into the realm of the EXTREMELY NSFW, click below!
I'm sure you know the friend I am talking about. (If you don't, the friend is you.)
Michael Lucid's Riley Comix is a feybulously REPULSIVE online comic about one such hapless slut-- the kind we all know and love. It stars a supposed "twink" named Riley -- who appears to be between the ages of 50 and 60 and in poor health -- and his nemesis, the truly nefarious (and similarly desiccated) Patrique, who's constantly trying for indeterminate reasons to trick Riley into having anal buttsex with a monstercocked musclebear named Beercan.
Riley, being the hothouse flower type, never MEANS to end up with a dick up his butt, but somehow... OOPSIES! I'm sure you know how it goes: You're just going for a little spin down the waterslide and suddenly: DICK IN BUTT!
Listen, although THE ADVENTURES OF RILEY is to me very hilarious, this comic is actually SO FUCKING DISGUSTING that I am not certain I can post a sample page on this here Feyfriends. There is just something about the emaciated LEERING faces and throbbing boners that just makes my stomach turn. Trust me, you don't want to see it. Really I promise you, you will vomit.
But if you're curious to see how the story started above continues into the realm of the EXTREMELY NSFW, click below!
Continue reading Filthy Comic Alert!.
Don't let the load image scare you. It's actually probably SFW...as long as your boss doesn't have some weird hangup about violent, underwear-clad man-on-man goosing.
(via PoeTV)
When I was a kid I used to think there was something just so right, so equitable, so fair about the existence of Playgirl magazine. Men got Playboy, Ladies got Playgirl, and no one had cause to complain! But as I discovered my budding feyness, and turned from Playboy to Playgirl for my jollies, I realized that women (and feys) really got a raw deal in that bargain: Playgirl is gross!
I've scoured the interbutt for examples of the ridiculous vacuum-of-male-hotness thatis was Playgirl magazine and have broken down the mags' failures into five or so categories. I'm starting with the biggest FAIL of all: terrible hair. 1 out of every 3 Playgirl models had hair cut and styled so atrociously that they lost any value they might've had as wank-fodder. Hairstyles come and go, but these hideous Fabio, Willie Aames, and Michael Bolton hairdon'ts were NEVER acceptable!
So after the slippy slappy, I present to you the worst (NSFW) Tresses Messes from Playgirl's run.
I've scoured the interbutt for examples of the ridiculous vacuum-of-male-hotness that
So after the slippy slappy, I present to you the worst (NSFW) Tresses Messes from Playgirl's run.
Continue reading The Worst of Playgirl: Tresses Messes.
An LOL Hollywood reenactment of the first meeting between John McCain and Sarah Palin.
According to this website, "symmastia" aka breadloafing aka uni-boobs occurs when...two implants touch one another in the center of the chest just above the breastbone. This complication only occurs when implants are placed underneath the pectoral muscle. If the horizontal muscle that is connected to the sternum and goes across the implant is cut then the implant, when it begins to settle a few days after surgery, can move towards the middle of the chest, pushing up the skin and tissue above it.For a NSFW series of particularly unfortunate uniboobies, click on the clicky thingy.
Continue reading A Series of Unfortunate Uniboobies.