Service Journalism: September 2008 Archives
Someone is trying to rough up Gwen Ifill, the moderator of Thursday's soon-to-be-canceled VEE PEE debate.Ifill broke one of her ankles last week while navigating a staircase. The mishap was debate-related; she was toting research material for it when she missed a step.Yeah right! This was no mishap! I am honestly scared for Gwen's life. Could she be the next person aerially shot from a low-flying plane in the middle of winter when there is no way to escape? Stop Pig Palin before it's too late!
(via LAT)
* The Gossip Girl Guys get the cover story treatment from Details. The article, penned by superfey Mark Harris, digs deep into Chase Crawford, Ed Westwick, and Penn Badgley relationships to chestwaxing, fame, "bromance," gay rumors, and even gayface. (via Towleroad)
* Bravo is developing a new reality show spun off from the essay collection about fags and their hags, "Girls Who Like Boys Who Like Boys." Whether the show will be a docu-series or a competition remains to be seen; AfterElton has some speculation on the matter.
* Fey Fave Sarah Michelle Gellar was at Seaworld where she petted the dolphin! (via JustJared)
* Sarah Palin and John McCain had a nice little sitdown with Katie Couric in which John McCain played the role of Daddy Protector to a nauseatingly anti-woman 'T.' In case you can't bear to watch, yes Sarah Palin looked just as stupid and unprepared as ever.
* At the prodding of some Fox News halfwits, McCain suggests he may suspend his campaign once again. Well it worked so well the last time!
* Today's polls for Barack Obama are very encouraging. (via 538)
* Are we facing a complete LIBERAL REALIGNMENT in America? This guy AND this guy AND this guy think we might be...and these guys are hardly liberals themselves. YAY!
* Introducing The Jitterbug, the cellphone for old blindos! (PoeTV)
* Bravo is developing a new reality show spun off from the essay collection about fags and their hags, "Girls Who Like Boys Who Like Boys." Whether the show will be a docu-series or a competition remains to be seen; AfterElton has some speculation on the matter.
* Fey Fave Sarah Michelle Gellar was at Seaworld where she petted the dolphin! (via JustJared)
* Sarah Palin and John McCain had a nice little sitdown with Katie Couric in which John McCain played the role of Daddy Protector to a nauseatingly anti-woman 'T.' In case you can't bear to watch, yes Sarah Palin looked just as stupid and unprepared as ever.
* At the prodding of some Fox News halfwits, McCain suggests he may suspend his campaign once again. Well it worked so well the last time!
* Today's polls for Barack Obama are very encouraging. (via 538)
* Are we facing a complete LIBERAL REALIGNMENT in America? This guy AND this guy AND this guy think we might be...and these guys are hardly liberals themselves. YAY!
* Introducing The Jitterbug, the cellphone for old blindos! (PoeTV)
How did everyone miss this? In last night's PRESIDENTIAL debate, when Obama called McCain out on his foolish opposition to holding a meeting with the prime minister of Spain b/c he's a Mexican terrorist, McCain CUSSES HIM OUT! He called Obama's TRUE claim "HORSESHIT"!!!!!
Swing voters h8 swearing. On the other hand, Republicans might think "yay, he's a hateful, erratic, bitter old white man, just like us!"
Can the FCC plz fine McCain ASAP??!
UPDATE: Maybe he is saying "WARSHINGTON."
Sarah Palin's swimsuit competition clip has finally arrived! Will Miss Alaska become Miss America????
No Wii R Not!
Fey Recap: This week we looked at Survivor's Dickslip, Playgirl's Smushy Tushies, Sarah Palin's Big Adventure, Diesel's Cartoon-cloaked Porno, the Hip New Face of Homophobia, and congratulated Jonathan Adler and Simon Doonan's Gay Marriage of Stylish, Elegant Convenience. What follows is what we neglected to mention.
It Sings!: Perez Hilton released his first single, "The Clap." Sample lyric: "When you love someone, take it slow/Don't let them rape your bussyhole." I like it.
Buffy's Back!: Sarah Michelle Gellar is in talks to star in a new HBO halfhour called "The Wonderful Maladys." This is so crazy because just yesterday while watching my new favorite show "True Blood" I had the (totally unoriginal) thought that SMG really, really needed to return to television, where she was the biggest effing star ever, from movies, where she was...not.
Speaking of Buffy: this picture made us LOL.
Speaking of True Blood: We can't help it, we (me and JMZZ) are in love with this show. This is one reason why.
Speaking of Things We Love: Hipster Runoff is the funniest altblog ever, yall. But we wonder: iz it insufficiently Alt 2 lyk things that r funny? Or 2 say we like those things? Srsly, shud we just be ALT e nuff 2 kno in our hearts that a thing is kewl, w.o. having 2 say it on our blog? What do yall think?
David Foster Wallace: Salon has this account of the last month's of DFW's life. N+1 has a student's account of DFW as a teacher; another of his students posted DFW's amazingly sweet and funny and obsessively detailed class syllabus here.
Clay's Gay: Clay Aiken came out of the closet this week, surprising exactly no one. Oh wait, lots of people were suprised! And ticked off! And homophobic! Oh well, the whole thing at least served as an occasion to remind us that FourFour is at his best and most eloquent when being totes earnest about gay stuff.
Robomommy Fail: Sarah Palin sat down with Katie Couric to discuss Alaskan-USSR relations and to reveal to the world that Steve Schmidt, Rick Davis, or whoever has been prepping her for her media appearances accidentally spilled water on her circuitboard. However, all is forgiven because apparently Palin is the the most conscientious "Thank You" note writer ever!
McClown Fail: McCain suspends campaign to help with the economic crisis, except he neither suspends his campaign nor helps.
WaMu Fail: Looks like I'm going to need a new place to deposit our pennies--PENNIES!--in ad revenue. (Srsly, yall...visit our sponsors.)
Kenley Fail: Bmad was right, I was wrong. Project Runway's Kenley IS a petulant ladybrat.
Wild Combination: Matt Wolf's documentary about musical genius Arthur Russell opens today at IFC for a limited run.
Srsly, readin hipsterrunoff is messin' with our personal brand...we can't stop writing like him. Oh well, happy weekend, yall!
"We're creating... an ownership society in this country, where more Americans than ever will be able to open up their door where they live and say, welcome to my house, welcome to my piece of property." - President George W. Bush, October 2004.
I know it's been a busy couple days, what with the wheels coming off Georgina, the Malfunctioning VP Fembot, and with McCain staging the single most spectacular and least productive campaign hissyfit in all of American history (Quick! Someone smart! Fact check that for me!) but can we all PLEASE take a moment to remind ourselves that George Bush ran for reelection under the slogan "The Ownership Society?" and that whatever the substance of his address Wednesday night, his inability to express even a smidgen of responsibility for the mess we're now in deserves loud and widespread condemnation?
I know discussing what an EPIC FAIL his presidency has been is pretty tedious, but I think conservative repubbies NEED to be reminded (and reminded, and reminded) that at his second inaugural address pretty much the only message re: domestic policy Bush gave to the American people was "Buy, Buy Baby!"
"In America's ideal of freedom, citizens find the dignity and security of economic independence, instead of laboring on the edge of subsistence...And now we will extend this vision by reforming great institutions to serve the needs of our time. To give every American a stake in the promise and future of our country, we will...build an ownership society. We will widen the ownership of homes and businesses, retirement savings and health insurance - preparing our people for the challenges of life in a free society."The next time Ann Coulter or Michelle "Crazy Eyes" Bachmann try to fob off responsibility for our current crisis on black homeowners (!!!) please please remind them and everyone else that THE PRESIDENT TOLD US TO. Don't allow them to perpetrate the SICK JOKE of holding struggling citizen borrowers to higher standards of fiscal responsibility than billionaire lenders...or the sitting President of the United States!
When it comes to the financial crisis, everyone's an expert. But Ann Coulter really gets it. In a column titled
"THEY GAVE YOUR MORTGAGE TO A LESS QUALIFIED MINORITY," Ann identifies the newest Fox News theory on why we got into this mess. No, not greed, not lax regulation, but a combination of conservatives' two least favorite things -- BLAXXX and BILL CLINTON!
Under Clinton, the entire federal government put massive pressure on banks to grant more mortgages to the poor and minorities. Clinton's secretary of Housing and Urban Development, Andrew Cuomo, investigated Fannie Mae for racial discrimination and proposed that 50 percent of Fannie Mae's and Freddie Mac's portfolio be made up of loans to low- to moderate-income borrowers by the year 2001.With friends like these...
Instead of looking at "outdated criteria," such as the mortgage applicant's credit history and ability to make a down payment, banks were encouraged to consider nontraditional measures of credit-worthiness, such as having a good jump shot or having a missing child named "Caylee."
Homophobia: Now for Mac Users!Until we visited the spiffy new iProtect website, we were under the impression that California's gay-marriage repealing Proposition 8 was just a fast sinking ballot measure put together by dingbat Gail Knight and a bunch of old, retarded Mormons. But thanks to the thoroughly geriatric ProtectMarriage.com's
"My name's Chinpussy. My favorite things are homophobia and Fred Durst's chode."
Fall into The Gap with this soulful cashmere-clad brother...or he will spoken-word some anti-gay schooling on yer ass.
"Just ask Rome! ZING!"
Wow! Sk8rH8r is a master of both bitchin' ollies and stingingly rhetorical questions!If you think iProtect's homepage is a supreme piece of cultural retardation, just wait till we lead you through their gay marriage "Video Poll!"
Continue reading Wii Object to iProtect.
In the wake of John McCain's big oopsie -- when the 72-year-old Republican couldn't remember how many houses he owns -- NEWSWEEK has stepped in to give him a helpful assist in case he is asked about his CARS.
An analysis of public vehicle-registration records finds that the McCains have a total of 13. Lucky them!
Here's the McCain fleet:
An analysis of public vehicle-registration records finds that the McCains have a total of 13. Lucky them!
Here's the McCain fleet:
- 2004 Cadillac CTS
- 2005 Volkswagen convertible
- 2001 Honda sedan
- 2008 Toyota Prius
- 2007 half-ton Ford pickup truck
- 1960 Willys Jeep
- 2008 Jeep Wrangler
- 2000 Lincoln
- 2001 GMC SUV
- three 2000 NEV Gem electric vehicles, which are
bubble-shaped cars popular in retirement communities. (emphasis added!!!)
And of course there is Cindy's personal ride. Her car, "a Lexus, is registered to her family's beer-distributor business and is outfitted with personalized plates that read MS BUD." As in Ms. Budweiser. Get it? Cla-say!
Outrageously, it looks like the Republican Kriminal Korner will not be gaining a new member after all.
Disgraced homo former Congressman MARK FOLEY (R-Gayface) will NOT, i repeat NOT, face criminal charges in Florida for his sexual relations with teen boi twinks. Why???? State officials claim there was "insufficient evidence to pursue criminal charges" against Maf54.
Oh please!! I'll give you some evidence:
Maf54 (7:46:33 PM): did any girl give you a haand job this weekend
Maf54 (7:47:11 PM): good so your getting horny
Maf54 (7:48:00 PM): did you spank it this weekend yourself
Maf54 (7:48:34 PM): i am never to busy haha
Maf54 (7:54:31 PM): where do you unload it
Maf54 (7:55:51 PM): cute butt bouncing in the air
Maf54 (7:58:37 PM): well I have aa totally stiff wood now
Maf54 (8:00:53 PM): i like steamroom
Maf54 (8:05:53 PM): and gram the one eyed snake
Maf54 (8:06:13 PM): grab
Maf54 (8:08:31 PM): get a ruler and measure it for me
Maf54 (8:09:04 PM): ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Maf54 (8:09:08 PM): beautiful
Maf54 (8:09:44 PM): thats a great size
Want more? The complete IM transcripts from
Mark Foley's disgusto conversation with an underage congressional page are after the BUTTON
PRESSY
Continue reading Foley Must Be Fingered!.
What is President Bush doing while the financial sector is in total free fall? Obvs, he's partying with the president of Ghana and watching a special performance of the LION KING! According to this must-read NYT story:
after the stock market had nose-dived, with the Dow Jones industrial average falling more than 500 points, Mr. Bush, his wife Laura and more than 100 of their guests dined on Maine lobster and ginger-scented lamb during a state dinner in the African leader’s honor. Then, in their tuxedoes and ball gowns they repaired to the Rose Garden to watch actors from Disney's musical “The Lion King” perform a medley of songs under the cool, dark Washington sky.
Don't forget that Hakuna Matata means no worries for the rest of your days. It's a problem free Republican economic philosophy!
With all the chatter around Bristol Palin's baby on the way, the pregnancy of another Republican lady has gone under the radar. Yes, it looks like Barbara Bush is showing a BABY BUMP!!! As they say, life happens! LOL.
Congratulations to the Bush family on this blessed event.
Congratulations to the Bush family on this blessed event.
A Shouts and Murmurs that is not insufferably zzzzzzzzzzz? Can it be? I never thought this would happen in my lifetime. Thank God for genius daddy bear George Saunders, whose exploration of lipstick, pigs and dog collars in this week's New Yorker is a total LOL-a-thon:
So, when Barack Obama says he will put some lipstick on my pig, I am, like, Are you calling me a pig? If so, thanks! Pigs are the most non-Élite of all barnyard animals. And also, if you put lipstick on my pig, do you know what the difference will be between that pig and a pit bull? I’ll tell you: a pit bull can easily kill a pig. And, as the pig dies, guess what the Hockey Mom is doing? Going to her car, putting on more lipstick, so that, upon returning, finding that pig dead, she once again looks identical to that pit bull, which, staying on mission, the two of them step over the dead pig, looking exactly like twins, except the pit bull is scratching his lower ass with one frantic leg, whereas the Hockey Mom is carrying an extra hockey stick in case Todd breaks his again. But both are going, like, Ha ha, where’s that dumb pig now? Dead, that’s who, and also: not a smidge of lipstick.
In an on-the-scene report covering the TOTAL COLLAPSE of the American financial sector, two men, according to CNN anchor Kiran Chetry, "make light of a bad situation" by "pretending to console each other." It sure looks real to me! And by "real," I mean HAWT!
From Huff Po
Corporate failure and McCain shill Carly Fiorina is calling the waaambulance again! According to Carly, everything is totally SEXIST. First it was the Democratic Party's treatment of her new favorite trailblazer Hillary Clinton, then it was Lipstickonapiggate, and now it's Saturday Night Live.
MITCHELL: You are the first person from the McCain campaign I can ask, what did you think of Tina Fey as Sarah Palin?
FIORINA: Well, I think that she looked a bit like her. I think that, of course, the portrait was very dismissive of the substance of Sarah Palin, and so in that sense, they were defining Hillary Clinton as very substantive, and Sarah Palin as totally superficial. I think that continues the line of argument that is disrespectful in the extreme, and yes, I would say, sexist in the sense that just because Sarah Palin has different views than Hillary Clinton does not mean that she lacks substance. She has a lot of substance.
Gimme a break! Sexist? Disrespectful in the extreme? A LOT OF SUBSTANCE??!
Is anyone besides me going to point out that Carly Fiorina is RACIST for serially lying about Barack Obama's record? What about Carly's own record as CEO of Hewlett Packard? Sorry to be SEXIST, but Fiorina laid off 18,000 American workers and after she was "spectacularly" fired, received a $42 million golden parachute. But she will not be held hostage to the Democrats on abortion, thank you very much!
Does this person have any idea what sexism is? Maybe Carly and her fellow GOP feminists should heed the advice of Amy Poehler/Hillary Clinton and grow a pair!
This clip's loadscreen should produce a nice rainbow-on-rainbow effect.
(h/t Walt)
This is terrible.
Instead of trying to explain how much his writing meant to me, or how much I was looking forward to whatever he would write next, I'm just going to post the leading entries from his ratemyprofessorpage:
*I took all the classes I could from this man. He will ABSOLUTELY make you a better writer. Caring, approachable yet formidably intelligent, passionate about what he does. Very highly recommended, if you are serious about fiction and writing.On the site's four point ranking system, the only thing he consistently rated low on was "easiness."
*Honestly the best creative writing professor to have. You will definately know where you stand as a writer when he is done with you. He criticism is harsh, but it is honest and that is what you need to improve. Also, he is incredibly funny. It amazing jsut to sit there and watch him work things out in his head and try to expain it to the class.
*Great class. Good book. Easy quizzes, make sure to study his notes.
*he talks about himself too much?? i can't imagine anything FURTHER from the truth. he severely reprimanded a kid in my class who tried to bring up some of his books. anyway, phenomenal writing teacher with unparalleled advice. go not for fame but because he's darling, fascinating, and incredibly right-on about writing. work hard or waste your time.
Remember the early days of the interbutt, when you used to use your putie to, on occasion, read WHOLE articles or watch WHOLE episodes of TV shows...and even sometimes WHOLE MOVIES? For a moment try and pretend your brain and attention spans haven't been raped into oblivion by the 'butt and actually watch this amazing Adam Curtis documentary about how Freud's nephew Edward Bernays (as well as his daughter Anna) brought Sigmund's theories to the world of mass marketing. (The movie is far sexier and much broader in scope than that makes it sound.)
The above is part 1; for parts 2, 3, and 4 click here, here, and here.
I am still an undecided voter, but I think this might have pushed me over the edge. I am just scared that an Obama administration will stand in the way of my LOVE for murdering wolves from airplanes. Thank you, Defenders of Wildlife!
"I feel completely f---ed over." That was fey hero Nancy Wilson's reaction to the Republicans' unauthorized use of Heart's "Barracuda" last night to revive the audience from John McCain's coma-inducingly boring speech.
The Wilsons' statement from EW:
"Sarah Palin's views and values in NO WAY represent us as American women. We ask that our song 'Barracuda' no longer be used to promote her image. The song 'Barracuda' was written in the late 70s as a scathing rant against the soulless, corporate nature of the music business, particularly for women. (The 'barracuda' represented the business.) While Heart did not and would not authorize the use of their song at the RNC, there's irony in Republican strategists' choice to make use of it there."
Aren't they Canadian women? Jake Tapper also notes the oddness of the song choice considering it's lyrics.
If the real thing don’t do the trick/No, you better make up something quick/You gonna burn, burn, burn, burn it to the wick/Ooooooohhhh, barra barracuda."
In other racism news...Georgia Republican Rep. Lynn Westmoreland used the racially-tinged term "uppity" to describe Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama Thursday.(via The Hill)
Westmoreland was discussing vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin's speech with reporters outside the House chamber and was asked to compare her with Michelle Obama.
"Just from what little I’ve seen of her and Mr. Obama, Sen. Obama, they're a member of an elitist-class individual that thinks that they're uppity," Westmoreland said.
Asked to clarify that he used the word “uppity,” Westmoreland said, “Uppity, yeah.”