Politics: September 2008 Archives

Someone is trying to rough up Gwen Ifill, the moderator of Thursday's soon-to-be-canceled VEE PEE debate.

Ifill broke one of her ankles last week while navigating a staircase. The mishap was debate-related; she was toting research material for it when she missed a step.

Yeah right! This was no mishap! I am honestly scared for Gwen's life. Could she be the next person aerially shot from a low-flying plane in the middle of winter when there is no way to escape? Stop Pig Palin before it's too late!

(via LAT)

Please make this be true:

In an election campaign notable for its surprises, Sarah Palin, the Republican vice- presidential candidate, may be about to spring a new one -- the wedding of her pregnant teenage daughter to her ice-hockey-playing fiancé before the November 4 election.

Inside John McCain's campaign the expectation is growing that there will be a popularity boosting pre-election wedding in Alaska between Bristol Palin, 17, and Levi Johnston, 18, her schoolmate and father of her baby. "It would be fantastic," said a McCain insider. "You would have every TV camera there. The entire country would be watching. It would shut down the race for a week."

Poor, hot Levi!

How did everyone miss this? In last night's PRESIDENTIAL debate, when Obama called McCain out on his foolish opposition to holding a meeting with the prime minister of Spain b/c he's a Mexican terrorist, McCain CUSSES HIM OUT! He called Obama's TRUE claim "HORSESHIT"!!!!!

Swing voters h8 swearing. On the other hand, Republicans might think "yay, he's a hateful, erratic, bitter old white man, just like us!"

Can the FCC plz fine McCain ASAP??!

UPDATE: Maybe he is saying "WARSHINGTON."

PANIC on the streets of Phoenix!

 

McCain’s desperate, integrity-free, bucket list campaign is in free fall and the reason is totally obvious. Sarracuda!

Here’s the sequence of this week’s events:

 

1)       Palin records horrifyingly bad interview with Katie Couric.

2)       Campaign completely shits in its pants and realizes they are dead fucked b/c of Palin’s absolute idiocy.

3)       DISTRACT! DISTRACT! John McCain announces biggest political stunt ever by fake-suspending his campaign.

4)       Campaign floats the trial balloon of canceling the first presidential debate and replacing it with the scheduled VP debate next week. Says VP debate can be postponed indefinitely.

5)       Said Couric interview/shocking shitshow airs but is mostly overshadowed by McCain’s shark jumping foolishness.

6)       Palin deathwatch?

Ed Schultz hears this from his sources:

Capitol Hill sources are telling me that senior McCain people are more than concerned about Palin. The campaign has held a mock debate and a mock press conference; both are being described as "disastrous." One senior McCain aide was quoted as saying, "What are we going to do?" The McCain people want to move this first debate to some later, undetermined date, possibly never. People on the inside are saying the Alaska Governor is "clueless."

There isn't enough lipstick in the world to conceal this pig.

No Wii R Not!

Fey Recap: This week we looked at Survivor's Dickslip, Playgirl's Smushy Tushies, Sarah Palin's Big Adventure, Diesel's Cartoon-cloaked Porno, the Hip New Face of Homophobia, and congratulated Jonathan Adler and Simon Doonan's Gay Marriage of Stylish, Elegant Convenience. What follows is what we neglected to mention. 

It Sings!: Perez Hilton released his first single, "The Clap." Sample lyric: "When you love someone, take it slow/Don't let them rape your bussyhole." I like it.

Buffy's Back!: Sarah Michelle Gellar is in talks to star in a new HBO halfhour called "The Wonderful Maladys." This is so crazy because just yesterday while watching my new favorite show "True Blood" I had the (totally unoriginal) thought that SMG really, really needed to return to television, where she was the biggest effing star ever, from movies, where she was...not.

Speaking of Buffy: this picture made us LOL.

Speaking of True Blood: We can't help it, we (me and JMZZ) are in love with this show. This is one reason why.

Speaking of Things We Love: Hipster Runoff is the funniest altblog ever, yall. But we wonder: iz it insufficiently Alt 2 lyk things that r funny? Or 2 say we like those things? Srsly, shud we just be ALT e nuff 2 kno in our hearts that a thing is kewl, w.o. having 2 say it on our blog? What do yall think?

David Foster Wallace: Salon has this account of the last month's of DFW's life. N+1 has a student's account of DFW as a teacher; another of his students posted DFW's amazingly sweet and funny and obsessively detailed class syllabus here.   

Clay's Gay: Clay Aiken came out of the closet this week, surprising exactly no one. Oh wait, lots of people were suprised! And ticked off! And homophobic! Oh well, the whole thing at least served as an occasion to remind us that FourFour is at his best and most eloquent when being totes earnest about gay stuff.

Robomommy Fail: Sarah Palin sat down with Katie Couric to discuss Alaskan-USSR relations and to reveal to the world that Steve Schmidt, Rick Davis, or whoever has been prepping her for her media appearances accidentally spilled water on her circuitboard. However, all is forgiven because apparently Palin is the the most conscientious "Thank You" note writer ever!

McClown Fail: McCain suspends campaign to help with the economic crisis, except he neither suspends his campaign nor helps.

WaMu Fail: Looks like I'm going to need a new place to deposit our pennies--PENNIES!--in ad revenue. (Srsly, yall...visit our sponsors.)

Kenley Fail: Bmad was right, I was wrong. Project Runway's Kenley IS a petulant ladybrat.

Wild Combination: Matt Wolf's documentary about musical genius Arthur Russell opens today at IFC for a limited run.

Srsly, readin hipsterrunoff is messin' with our personal brand...we can't stop writing like him. Oh well, happy weekend, yall!

"We're creating... an ownership society in this country, where more Americans than ever will be able to open up their door where they live and say, welcome to my house, welcome to my piece of property." - President George W. Bush, October 2004.

I know it's been a busy couple days, what with the wheels coming off Georgina, the Malfunctioning VP Fembot, and with McCain staging the single most spectacular and least productive campaign hissyfit in all of American history (Quick! Someone smart! Fact check that for me!) but can we all PLEASE take a moment to remind ourselves that George Bush ran for reelection under the slogan "The Ownership Society?" and that whatever the substance of his address Wednesday night, his inability to express even a smidgen of responsibility for the mess we're now in deserves loud and widespread condemnation?

I know discussing what an EPIC FAIL his presidency has been is pretty tedious, but I think conservative repubbies NEED to be reminded (and reminded, and reminded) that at his second inaugural address pretty much the only message re: domestic policy Bush gave to the American people was "Buy, Buy Baby!"

"In America's ideal of freedom, citizens find the dignity and security of economic independence, instead of laboring on the edge of subsistence...And now we will extend this vision by reforming great institutions to serve the needs of our time. To give every American a stake in the promise and future of our country, we will...build an ownership society. We will widen the ownership of homes and businesses, retirement savings and health insurance - preparing our people for the challenges of life in a free society."

The next time Ann Coulter or Michelle "Crazy Eyes" Bachmann try to fob off responsibility for our current crisis on black homeowners (!!!) please please remind them and everyone else that THE PRESIDENT TOLD US TO. Don't allow them to perpetrate the SICK JOKE of holding struggling citizen borrowers to higher standards of fiscal responsibility than billionaire lenders...or the sitting President of the United States!

Yes, that IS Josh Brolin as George W. Bush taking a crap and wiping his ass while talking to wife Laura (Elizabeth Banks) in this trailer for Oliver Stone's upcoming George W. Bush biopic, W.! I was going to post some screen captures (obvs my new favorite hobby) but conveniently enough the load screen for this clip has been positioned at the exact moment Brolin/Bush unspools a ream of TP for his bunghole.

On the one hand this looks like a wildly unrealistic and hamfisted cartoon of a movie. On the other, you just know W. takes craps with the door open. It's like the one and only admirable trait he has in common with LBJ.

Trailer hat tip Videogum, but how they refrained from mentioning the (unprecedented?) presidential biopic buttwiping is beyond me.

Hey, the Sarah Palin e-mail "hacker" (he guessed the VP-in-training's "secret question") is totally hot-ish!  To me!  He could be the lost, less virginy Jonas Bro. 

 

I wonder if he'll be able to receive conjugal visits when he is in Gitmo?

 

Poor, heroic David Kernell's story is on Wired.

 

"I went to the U.N. today and met all of these really famous leaders! Here are my photos (for FACEBOOK) LOL!"

How amazing is Ohio Congresswoman Marcy Kaptur? This tough talkin' NAFTA-hatin' New Deal Demmy roolz. Just watching her excoriate the "big banking boys" and their blank check bailout makes me want to put on a hard hat, grab a lunch pail and join a union. Her tirade from last week is priceless too. I love you, Marcy!  

Republican racism update!

John McCain will participate in mock debates with Republican former Maryland Lt. Governor Michael Steele playing Barack Obama. Steele will "use many of his speaking patterns, tactics and body language."

This is the same man who recruited homeless men to hand out false campaign literature in majority black neighborhoods that listed him as a Democrat. On Election Day 2006:

300 mostly poor African Americans from Philadelphia ate doughnuts, sipped coffee and prepared to spend the day at the Maryland polls. After an early morning greeting from Gov. Robert L. Ehrlich Jr.'s wife, Kendel, they would fan out in white vans across Prince George's County and inner-city Baltimore, armed with thousands of fliers that appeared to be designed to trick black Democrats into voting for the two Republican candidates.

Michael Steele is the perfect person to help train McCain how to attack a BLACK MAN.
 

Homophobia: Now for Mac Users!

Until we visited the spiffy new iProtect website, we were under the impression that California's gay-marriage repealing Proposition 8 was just a fast sinking ballot measure put together by dingbat Gail Knight and a bunch of old, retarded Mormons. But thanks to the thoroughly geriatric ProtectMarriage.com's shamelessly cannily rebranded spin-off iProtect, we now know that denying California's gays and lesbians their right to equal marriage rights is no longer just for olds and squares. Alts, homies, bitches, and sk8rz be digging it too!

"My name's Chinpussy. My favorite things are homophobia and Fred Durst's chode."

Fall into The Gap with this soulful cashmere-clad brother...or he will spoken-word some anti-gay schooling on yer ass.

"Just ask Rome! ZING!"

Wow! Sk8rH8r is a master of both bitchin' ollies and stingingly rhetorical questions!

If you think iProtect's homepage is a supreme piece of cultural retardation, just wait till we lead you through their gay marriage "Video Poll!"