Celebritiezzz: February 2008 Archives

After her seminal performance as Woman in Diner in Spaceballs, blonde tartlet Rhonda Shear went on to become television’s Second Wealthiest Actress thanks to her role as the sexy host of USA’s “Up All Night”—the go-to spot in the ’90s for cinephiles and horny dudes alike—where she laid such golden eggs as: “Surfing and Nazis go together like cream cheese and nails,” “It’s hotter than a Pepsi from a hotel vending machine,” and “I haven’t seen this much action on the beach since my bikini top came off!”

According to her awesome Cheap-Trick-blasting Myspace page, you can still catch her at local truckstops wherever in “Pajama Party Show,” her touring slumber party of the freshest of fresh comediennes, or on the Home Shopping Network promoting her line of hot lingerie based on a complex mathematical theory called “Slip Into Slim!” She's even a contributing writer for DOLLS MAGAZINE!

A bonus video of Shear hawking Lace Control Panties after the jump!

Guess what!  Carrie Brownstein is the new Carrie Bradshaw!  (Not really, but have you ever noticed they have similar names?!)  Anyway, America's favorite member of Sleater-Kinney now has a BLOG at NPR, where she talks all about music.  First Slate, now NPR... who is this lady's agent?  I'm guessing it's the same as Janeane Garafolo's.  Carrie, if you work really hard, maybe you can work your way up to a coveted spot at SALON'S perpetually-disapproving woman blog!  And maybe-- just maybe, if your journalism is FEARLESS ENOUGH--  MOTHER JONES!

 

Anyway, yes, I read about this on Gawker, which is pretty lazy of me and means you've already seen it, but look at the funny picture I made to make up for it!

 

PS Now that I look, she's been doing this forever, so maybe I already knew about it and forgot?  Whatever, so it's OLD NEWS.  i'm still going to keep it up because i already made this dumb picture.

 

PPS Why is Gawker being so HOMOPHOBIC about Sleater-Kinney?  Everyone knows "SHRILL" is code for ANGRY CASTRATING LESBO.  Oh, what's that you say?  Sleater-Kinney IS shrill?  Okay then.  I still loved them though.  I will post a bonus Sleater-Kinney video after the little button pressy.

Believe it or not, Liz Taylor turned 76 today. You wouldn't know it from watching her talk about marriage in this video. As my grandmother used to say, "if I could only be as beautiful as Elizabeth Taylor!!" If only!!!

Happy, b-day, La Liz!

happy day!  Rosie O'Donnell and Fran Drescher (the nanny all the boys want to fuck, and all the girls want to BE!!) have announced that they are doing a sitcom together.  Rosie plays a boorish and overweight (but lovable) oaf with a hot blonde wife.  Fran plays her friend, a woman who considers herself a sexpot despite her extremely grating voice.  What network this sitcom will be on and what it will be about has not been announced yet, because, like many of Rosie's projects, it is imaginary.  (See also: Nip/Tuck spinoff, MSNBC talk show...)

Rumors abound that the cast will also include COURTNEY THORNE-SMITH, Hollywood's Wealthiest Actress, in the role of Rosie's long-suffering but good-natured (and hot) lesbo partner.  Great choice!  As we all know, Courtney Thorne-Smith has never failed to produce a HIT. 

A total fey klassic! Could anything be gayer than an animated Madonna singing lyrics like "pink elephants and lemonade" and "the golden gate where the fairies all wait"???

And also: she recounts a dream about Frank Sinatra, pretends to get shot and plays dead, sings a German version of "We Are the World," extols the virtues of a vegetarian diet through song, and snippily characterizes her singing voice as "My Individual God Identity."

And some other stuff.

No Diablo, you didn't...thanks for giving us the heads up!

I'm surprised it took this long for risque, stripper-era Diablo Cody pics to hit, but Egotastic finally has a wide selection of coy, amateurish not-quite-nudie pixx up for your perusal. Check 'em out!

In other Cody news, Courtney Love is apparently totally stoked about Diablo's Oscar win.

Of the many demands Brittany Murphy likely makes on the set of her new movie, Across the Hall, the most reasonable is the hourly peanut butter and jelly sandwich, cut diagonally, with the crusts removed.

A clip of Murphy right before snack-time, after the jump.

Because the puritanical Academy neglected to include Brad Renfro in its montage of recently deceased celebrities, Fey Friends will now take the opportunity to present this “Sexy Tribute” appropriated from a Youtube user named, adorably, “donttouchmetodd” (who is also apparently the keeper of bradrenfro.org).

This was clearly Tilda’s idea. (from Salon)

someone just found this scandalous picture of HS the musical's most famous giant overplucked sexbaby doing hot gay makeout with his supposed boyfriend. actually it's just a kiss on the cheek, but they are shirtless and faggy so i guess it counts. anyway, what i would like to know is 1) how do we know this is zac efron if we can't even see his face and 2) is it still gay if your boyfriend is SHANE from the L word?! (Photo Source)

The news of J-Lo's new mommyhood brought a tear to this fey's eyes. It seems like only yesterday she was a sassy single, blowing us all delicious taco-flavored kisses.

J.lo is a mommy! The spicy superstar gave birth to twins this morning on Long Island "after one of pop music's most closely watched pregnancies."

Check out more hot pics of Jenny From The Block at Planet HIltron.

Please end this nightmare.

Quite possibly the most important charity single of our time, the 1989 “Spirit of the Forest”—written by the guy responsible for the equally important "Under the Boardwalk”—features a superhero cast of the feyest of fey icons, including Debbie Harry, Donna Summer, Taylor Dayne, Kate Bush, Joni Mitchell, Belinda Carlisle, and Olivia Newton-John. Fighting fire with fire, the anthem features such incendiary lyrics as “I hear the cry of the Yanomami, the kookaburra, and the golden monkey,” cried out emotionally against an acoustic battle between chainsaws and elephants.

Well that doesn’t change the fact that her marriage is the product of ADULTERY!! While still married to first wife Carol, John McCain began an affair with Anheuser-Busch beer heiress Cindy. He married her just a month after dumping Carol, who was crippled in a car accident.  

John McCain described their first encounter: “She was lovely, intelligent and charming, 17 years my junior but poised and confident. I monopolized her attention the entire time, taking care to prevent anyone else from intruding on our conversation. When it came time to leave the party, I persuaded her to join me for drinks at the Royal Hawaiian Hotel. By the evening's end, I was in love.” And still married!!!

Cindy then paid for John’s first campaign for Congress with her daddy’s beer buxx. Soon after John’s election to the Senate, Cindy developed an addiction to perocet and vicodin. In 1993 she was caught STEALING PAINKILLERS FROM A WAR VICTIMS’ CHARITY! Yes, she raided the supply of the American Voluntary Medical Team, a charity that provided health care to war victims in underdeveloped nations.

At least she loves her country!

 

 

Although I absolutely loved this profile of former White House chef Walter Scheib in am New York, one thing was mysteriously left out – Laura Bush killed someone.

Yes, the MSM loves to talk about how Laura is “adament (SIC) about organics,” but what is her position on killing ex-boyfriends???

Check out a hot NSFW pic after the jump!

So here is the thing: Courtney Love looks terrible, if the "home Polaroids" on her Myspace page are any indication. And unlike in the past, when her "terrible" was actually 90% amazing (the thrown-together heroin-unchicness of her early days; the blown-up Amanda Lepore look in recent years), she now looks terrible in that tanned-leather-shoe way, more Tampa than Malibu. Still, could anything be more Courtney Love than displaying yourself in all your glory, however wretched?

Happy post-Valentine's Day!

Link: sevenload.com

Well well well well well well well.

It seems that we here at FeyFriends are not alone in obsessing, dreaming, and drooling over the silverfox god that is TR Pescod. I suppose it is only natural that Silver Feast, the site devoted to all things salt + pepper + MALE, would take an interest in the man who singlehandedly made gray pubes the accessory du jour. I'll even reluctantly admit that they got there first. TR Pescod IS a whole lotta man...surely there's enough to go around?

WRONG.

Silver Feast, consider yourself warned: this feud's gonna be bloody.

Although we are totally jealous that we missed this scoop, hats off to Bauer Griffin and the Celebrity Baby Blog for capturing this lovely photo of Hollywood’s wealthiest actress (and mommy!) Courtney Thorne-Smith and her new son, Jacob strolling in LA this week. Commenters say she looks like Heidi Klum in this picture. Come to think of it, I’ve always thought Heidi Klum was the poor man’s Courtney Thorne-Smith.

 

Here at feyfriends, nothing gets our LOINS twitching faster than a sexy democratic PUNDIT.  unfortunately, for several years we've been stuck with unattractive, simpy losers like janeane garafalo, al franken, and actually i can't think of any more because clearly they are just that unremarkable.  the point is that none of those idiots could ever hope to compete with a hot to trot good-time-gal like laura ingraham, an icy temptress with fire down below like ann coulter (a bona fide fag hag to boot!), or even that roly-poly PNP daddy bear, Rush Limbaugh himself!  Republicans may be AIDS-loving assholes and fuckwads, but they surely do punditry right.

Thank God CLIFF SCHECTER finally came along.  Not only does he have a VIRILE, MUSCULAR rhetorical style that would satisfy any quivering sub at the Eagle, but he is also a total fucking stud.  In this, his UNABASHEDLY EROTIC first appearance on MSNBC, he wipes the floor with the LOLishly named "republican strategist" Cleta Mitchell.  Watch how he cuts right to the heart of the matter, righteously calling out the Republican Party for what it is-- "The party of criminals and pedophiles!"  BE STILL MY HEART.  You can tell Cleta's getting a little hot under the collar herself.  Cliff: if you're ever up for a little sexy roleplay, call me.  I'll be Nancy Reagan.

* (Okay, this video is really old, but Cliff doesn't seem to have made many appearances this election season.  I was worried about his whereabouts until I got word that he is working on a super secret project due out soon.  I hope it's a CALENDAR!)

Even when Camille gets a bit batty, or starts repeating herself about the nonexistence of global-warming or the unsung brilliance of Sean Hannitty (read: always) she can usually be counted on to wax hilariously poetic in eulogy of some recently deceased b-lister or TV actress.

From Salon:

I was shocked to read of the recent death of Suzanne Pleshette, one of the most intelligent and underutilized actresses in Hollywood. (snip) Because Pleshette died over the Martin Luther King holiday weekend, the first bulletins on major online news sites, clearly being manned by 25-year-old greenhorns in the absence of senior staff, made reference only to the death of an unnamed actress who had played a "TV wife." I didn't even bother looking at first. A day later, however, as the impact hit (and vacationing cognoscenti clearly squawked), Pleshette's name was blazoned in every headline.

Pleshette loomed large in my book for the British Film Institute on Alfred Hitchcock's "The Birds," where she plays a darkly lovelorn schoolteacher, Annie Hayworth, who gets cut down by a flock of crows in chaotic Bodega Bay, Calif. Pleshette's deft parry and thrust, punctuated by cigarettes, with the coolly composed Tippi Hedren, is a model of virtuoso screen acting. For the book, I used a full-page on-set candid photo of Pleshette with the caption, "Annie Hayworth may be dead, but Suzanne Pleshette lives!" She'll certainly live forever for me. Here's a fan Web site ("More than Emily Hartley") devoted to wonderfully elegant Pleshette pix, including European magazine covers.

"Shocked", Camille? Really? Anyway, Suzanne was pretty rad so we'll allow Cammy her excesses this time around.

Allow me to direct your attention to moments "1:32" and "1:36".

Patty Hearst, the former gun-wielding Symbionese Liberation Army militant is now the proud dog-mommy of Diva - the best French bulldog bitch winner at this week's Westminster Kennel Club dog show! Congratulations, Patty and Diva.

We’d like to announce the introduction of a new feybulous feature – TRASHY GRAVES!!!

Once only reserved for dead child stars, trashy graves are now popular among many kinds of third-rate celebrities. The wonderful people at findagrave.com have collected thousands of dead people’s gravestones, but unfortunately they are not categorized in terms of trashiness. That’s what fey friends are for! Finding new ways to celebrate the trashy dead since 2008.

Our inaugural trashy grave belongs to Selena Quintanilla-Pérez, aka ¡SELENA!, the unforgettable performer who was murdered by the president of her fan club in 1995. Equally unforgettable is her final resting place. The giant stone replica of Selena’s face is accented by a gravestone spelling out her name in sassy, seductive font fit for a Tejana queen.

Click here for a excellent tour of Selena's grave and memorial created by one of her dedicated fans.

Artemisbell (aka Diana Campanella) currently has 257 videos of herself dancing in front of her front door to a wide selection of jams, including those by Deee-lite and the B-52s (natch) and CeCe Peniston.

So I guess we should too?