With the election of the hottest president ever still sinking in, let’s
not forget about all of the new congressional hotties in this year’s
freshman class. I would certainly like to get fresh with some of these
men! And without further ado, we are pleased to announce the 1st Annual Fey
Friends Top Ten Hottest New Members of Congress!
What’s not to love about this New Mexico heartthrob? He loves cowboy boots and gays (See above), he h8s wars and best of all, replaces
that horrible embarrassment Heather Wilson. Can we make a run for the border, ASAP?
2) Jim Himes (D-CT)
Jim Himes, the preppie former i-banker, is
a perfect fit for his Greenwich, CT district. In defeating that odious wishy-washy
dishrag Chris Shays, Himes vanquished the last standing House
Republican in New England. Usually, we disapprove of all things
Connecticut, but we’ll make an exception for this STONE FOX.
Mark is a quintessential rugged
Colorado DILF from the legendary UDALL family. The new senator is an accomplished mountaineer and one of the best golfers in Congress. Udall "believes in minimal government intrusion in Americans' personal lives,
including abortion, gay marriage and other gay rights, legalization of
marijuana, and even internet gambling." OMG, SHUT UP! Those are my favorite things too! We are a perfect match!
The rest of the list is after the JIZZUMP!!!
1) Martin Heinrich (D-NM)
What’s not to love about this New Mexico heartthrob? He loves cowboy boots and gays (See above), he h8s wars and best of all, replaces
that horrible embarrassment Heather Wilson. Can we make a run for the border, ASAP?2) Jim Himes (D-CT)
Jim Himes, the preppie former i-banker, is
a perfect fit for his Greenwich, CT district. In defeating that odious wishy-washy
dishrag Chris Shays, Himes vanquished the last standing House
Republican in New England. Usually, we disapprove of all things
Connecticut, but we’ll make an exception for this STONE FOX.3) Mark Udall (D-CO)
Mark is a quintessential rugged
Colorado DILF from the legendary UDALL family. The new senator is an accomplished mountaineer and one of the best golfers in Congress. Udall "believes in minimal government intrusion in Americans' personal lives,
including abortion, gay marriage and other gay rights, legalization of
marijuana, and even internet gambling." OMG, SHUT UP! Those are my favorite things too! We are a perfect match! The rest of the list is after the JIZZUMP!!!
4) Glenn Nye (D-VA)
We just can't get enough of Glenn Nye, the handsome service member who was elected to Virginia’s 2nd District. Before running for Congress, Nye volunteered to serve in conflict zones in Afghanistan, Kosovo and Iraq. Now that you're back in the U.S, you can totally serve in our CONFLICT ZONES anytime!5) Jeff Merkley (D-OR)
Who could say no to that sweet face! 6) Mark Schauer (D-MI)
Mark Schauer is the newest member of the House from Michigan’s beautiful 7th District. This salt-and-pepper sexy daddy will be representing America’s “Cereal City” – Battle Creek. SO HAWT! Schauer me with kisses/cereal, I love you!!!7) Kurt Schrader (D-OR)
Who couldn’t love this adorable 70s-ish Western dad? Kurt Schrader is wonderful OREGONIAN VETERINARIAN whose two businesses “cater to horses and companion animals.” He probz loves cats, too! In his campaign, he vowed to support animal rights and health care (for people). Kurt, can you pls be my companion animal???8) Chris Lee (R-NY)
Yes, we are totes BIPARTISAN and included some Republicans on the list! Chris Lee was elected to the House from the lovely Buffalo area. Before running for office, Lee was fired from a former employer for illegally hacking into company computers for personal financial benefit. He’s also hot… and rich!9) Jared Polis (D-CO)
Jared Polis is also totes rich but way more liberal. He’s also gets bonus HOT POINTS for being the first openly **FEY** man elected to the House!! Oh, and did I mention he’s rich? He’s worth $200 million!!!! Let’s go to California and get married…oh wait. ☹ Hartford?10) Aaron Schock (R-IL)
Last and most definitely least is Aaron Schock. I know, I’m just as SCHOCKED as you are that this right-wing d-bag is on our list. But like Chris Lee, Aaron Schock would be a great hate-fuck. He is 27 and considered one of the dumbest people in politics east of Wasilla. Schock’s foreign policy proposals include provoking China to invade Taiwan if they don’t immediately support the U.S. goals in Iran and eliminating the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty. But who cares? He’s KEWT!
the ranking's all wrong...mark udall should be first!!!!
going from first to last was an interesting choice, jmzz. No matter: this list rules. I really thought you'd wind up scraping bottom with it, but these ten congressman are all indeed hot. That merkley looks like Lee Pace.
Doesn't "scraping bottom" sound like a slur for STD-ridden subs?
"Before running for office, Lee was fired from a former employer for illegally hacking into company computers for personal financial benefit"
For most political parties, that would be poison, but for the Republicans, it's a major plus, it'll save on job-training later.
No. 2 and No. 4 for me, please.
Your wrong about Schock. The 18th Congressional District of Illinois LOVES him and he won by an almost 20 point spread. Not too bad for a Republican candidate in '08. And that whole nukes to Taiwan thing was blown WAY out of proportion by his sourpussette opponant who got her ass whooped! He is also the youngest person EVAR elected to Congress. So what were you doing/ will you be doing at the age of 26?
Please consider a re-write of your description of Aaron Schock!
What about Tom Perriello? Total cutie.
http://www.sourcewatch.org/images/2/2a/TomPerriello.jpg
hey-i resent your connecticut remark, lol. i'm from the great nutmeg state and i'm like a totally hot salt and pepper punkdaddy. pinky swear!
Tom Perriello hadn't been declared the winner yet when this went to print! But I agree, he belongs on the list.
Bahaha schauer me with kisses\cereal. Great punning!!!!!!!
WHAT ABOUT CAROL SHEA-PORTER??!! C'mon Special Tyler, throw a bone to the sexy ladies from NH!
Sorry, KAF. Carol is not NEW. But she is pretty awesome.
AREN'T THERE TWO NEW UDALLS?
Yes, but only Mark is hot. I mean, I guess Tom is cute in a marsupial kind of way.
http://www.sourcewatch.org/images/e/e1/Tomudall.jpg
hey-another reason not to be hating on Connecticut... we have LEGAL gay marriage. only Massachusetts besides us has it. of course, i haven't had a date since Right Said Fred was still too sexy for their shirts... : )
Where's Tom Udall? That man can rock some Levi's and ropers. raar!
His win is not yet certified, but Virginia's Tom Perriello is baby-face cute ... plus bonus points for beating the homophobe with the fey name, Virgil.
Lee Rocks...def in my top 2 !
Lets cut to the chase, any size reports? What gym does
he hang out at? wonder if he goes both ways (hope soooo)i have three words for him HOT HOT HOT . As a democrate i hope he crosses the isle
Beauty is not just about the hair and face, but also the nails and other parts of the body.
Kind of too bad Schock is so cute (an even cuter picture of him in a post I wrote in November: http://sucktherainbow.wordpress.com/2008/11/06/im-officially-old/).
Jeff Merkley's face definitely has character. But all the others are just clean cut men who don't happen to be trolls. Although since Washington is Los Angeles for ugly people you can never set the bar too low.