What follows is an early treatment from aspiring screenwriter Bobo's portfolio, a potential starring vehicle for Eddie Murphy, Martin Lawrence, Tyler Perry, or possibly Mo'Nique.
CHARLEMAGNE: FIT TO BE QUEEN
Sassy Charlemagne, a hottie from Harlem, is a bit on the plump side--or, as she would say, "More of me to love!"--who finds her life TURNED UPSIDE DOWN one day when, on her daily trip to the corner deli, she discovers that the Little Debbie discount snack-cake company has discontinued her favorite high-fat snack cake, "The Big Ms." ("Oh no they didn't!" she bellows.) Fueled by rage and hunger--as she would say, "A woman's gotta eat!"--Charlemagne goes on a mission to GET TO THE BOTTOM of this snack-cake conundrum.
When Little Debbie, Inc. declines to answer her fevered queries--"Why that stuck-up CRACKER bitch!" she roars--Charlemagne rallies a bunch of her fellow fattie sistahs to travel with her by bus to the Little Debbie factory in Pittsburgh. When they arrive though, they discover that the plant is closed to visitors that day, as the President of the United States of America, on his reelection campaign tour, is visiting the Little Debbie factory to talk to the workers there in a staged photo op. Enraged, Charlemagne rallies her friends to literally STORM THE GATES of the plant! But by the time she's charged clear through the steel doors and sees that she's headed right towards the president, momentum is carrying her along...she can't stop!--and she fatally bodyslams the Prez right into the cake press! We end the scene on Charlemagne's big beautiful cringing face: "Did I do that?"
We cut to the following day. The president is dead and our Charlemagne is in prison. The case against her appears to be pretty open and shut. But the day is saved when a team of legal scholars and American historians unearth a long-forgotten clause in the Constitution of Independence!
Legal Scholar: (incredulously reading directly from the Constitution of Independence) : "...in the event of accidental death by sassy fat black lady, the presidency shall be dissolved and she shall become the Queen of the United States of America!"
Charlemagne: "It say that?"
Legal Scholar: "It does, it's right here."
Charlemagne: (seizing Constitution) : "Let me see that dusty old 'paper!" (reading) "Well, I'll be! It does!"
The film then follows Charlemagne's first days as Queen (including a hilarious incident at her coronation on the Washington Monument where, due to some pre-coronation nerves, she gets REALLY BAD gas and rips a series of thunderous, heavily amplified farts...literally causing the REFLECTING POOL to splash over all assembled!) until we discover the real conflict at the heart of the movie. For Charlemagne to get her happy ending, she will have to defeat a villainous Whitey from the ACLU (who objects to her seizing of the crown and who denies the Constitutional basis of Charlemagne's coronation) all while winning over a VERY skeptical American public.
Convincing them that she is Fit to Be Queen is going to take some doing on Charlemagne's part. But it'll be a breeze convincing moviegoers that "Charlemagne" is fat, black, and hilarious!
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When asked by his fellow Feys if Charlemagne isn't a racist piece of crassly commercial garbage a la Norbit, he was quick to assure us that Charlemagne is a TRUE LABOR OF LOVE, and is intended to be taken seriously as filmic art, not as a sell-out concept, and he invites movie producers, agents, and representatives for Mr. Murphy, Mr. Lawrence, Mr. Perry, and Ms. 'Nique to contact him in the comments.
I'd like to audition for the part of the sassy white fggt hairdresser / stylist / receptionist / waiter / congressional aide k thnx