April 2008 Archives

In case the last post made you ask, "What stars besides Fergalicious/The Dutchess were on the Trashy Mickey Mouse Club?"

If you don't want to watch the entire 8 minute video, I have done it for you and here is the answer:

1) Fergalicious/The Dutchess
2) MARTIKA
3) Eric Balfour (BEWARE: Link "Dangerous For Work!")
4) J-LoHe
5) Some others of questionable fame

This is not as good a track record as the real Mickey Mouse Club.  On the other hand, do they perform STEVIE NICKS on the Mickey Mouse Club?!

Fergalicious/"The Dutchess," Lionel Ritchie, a scary clown and a yoyo.  

Let's hear this fellow out.

(h/t FunFriends)

But what about his case?!

(h/t PoeTV)

Chewties - The hot new snack that'll make your tastebuds scream!

Ring a ding ding!  Yes, those are lesbionic wedding bells you hear!  Miranda's finally getting married to longtime partner, legendary entertainer Murray Hill!

 

I may be overdoing the cute today.

(h/t PoeTV)

Look, JMZZ! The dog and the cat and the rat are FRIENDOS!

(h/t PoeTV)

My anthem finally has a real (and helpfully subtitled) video!  Unfortunately it's boring.  But still the best song!  

This exciting new kid's book, "It's Just a Plant: A Children's Story About Marijuana" is a great way to let your kids know that IT IS OKAY that his or her parents are stoned on pot all the time. It will definitely come in handy when me and JMZZ get around to making a couple of butt babies.

Speaking of which, I hope "It's Just Poppers" is the next title in the series!

(h/t BoingBoing)

OH NO!  I just got the most disturbing email from No Reply at missbimbo.com, notifying me that MY Miss Bimbo, Tanqueray, is DEAD!

Hi
You know that you have a "bimbo", Tanqueray? Its important to take care of it!
She dead now!

I know I wasn't always the best parent to My Miss Bimbo. I rarely took her to casting calls; I only bought her the cheap-looking slutty clothes instead of the expensive-looking slutty clothes; I wasn't nearly as strict with her diet as I should've been; and even though she begged and begged, I never managed to make enough Bimbo Bucks to pay for her boob job.  But like, actual death is a little harsh right? Couldn't the game administrator have just sent her to bulimia rehab instead or something? Thanks a lot, No Reply!

Maybe there's still hope for Tanqueray. Please, FeyFriends and FeyFans...send condolence cards, hate mail, and death threats to NoReply@missbimbo.com! Maybe if WE WORK TOGETHER we can get No Reply to change her mind and give My Tanqueray a Second Chance To Live!

Despite reports to the contrary, it turns out Activision still plans to release the sequel to the amazing Marvel Ultimate Alliance within the year!

At the very least, maybe Psyazzler will be featured in a NPC capacity?

I AM OFFENDED!!!

 

(Via Gawker)

 

 

I hope YouTube puts up a full length music video soon.

...in front of the FLDS polygamous ladies! Did she really ask them to explain the significance of their hair?!!??!

It's a bad sign when a live performance is necessarily prefaced by a URL address.

(h/t Walt)

Tricia Walsh Smith is a Park Ave trophy wife who is very upset about the dissolution of her marriage, and she's valiantly taken to The YouTube to air her grievances, as well as to crow about her favorable Tarot card readings.

This video is the dark side to the Real Housewives of New York City story, which turned into nothing but Sweetness & Light by its finale last night. Which is exactly why I think Tricia Walsh Smith would make a fabulous addition to their inevitable second season? (Note to BMAD: you may need to update your KWIZ).

Speaking of RHONYC: Is it just me or are all five of the Real Housewives totally wonderful people undeserving of any criticism we could throw at them? I even came around on Alex and Simon Van Camp by the finale...I for one think the fact that their precious son Francois is a normal, plays-with-food and screams-loudly-at-parties type speaks well of them as parents. And who knew Countess LuAnn was so charitable? Wasn't she SO NICE to that struggling poverty mommy...she even called her "CLEAN"!

(h/t FunFriends)

This is HUGE news: Jason Beghe, who was my fourth biggest crush when I was twelve, is NO LONGER A SCIENTOLOGIST! That's right, he has broken free, and in the process he has MADE HISTORY: He is the first MAJOR CELEBRITY to break from the Church to LIVE TO TELL about it!

He's definitely older now, and his sexy cowboy rasp has deteriorated into more of an emphysemic Harvey Fierstein/Ron Leibman gargle, but he's still Beghe to me.

Unfortunately, not one of Beghe's most amazing performances -- his sexy paraplegic in "Monkey Shines," his sexy Park Ranger on an episode of "The X-Files", his sexy military BF for Matt on "Melrose Place", where he got to act alongside our very own Mommy Thorne-Smith -- is available on YouTube. The best I could come up with was THIS CLIP from "Home Alone 4".

Welcome back, Beghe!

First Cindy McCain stole Percocet and Vicodin from the hands of veterans at a WAR VICTIMS’ CHARITY and now this! Almost fifteen years after Cindy’s painkiller thievery was exposed, the Huffington Post reports that Mrs. McCain stole recipes from the Food Network and dishonestly passed them off as her own!

On a section of McCain's site called "Cindy's Recipes," you can find seven recipes attributed to Cindy McCain, each with the heading "McCain Family Recipe”…. some of the "McCain Family Recipes," were in fact, word-for-word copies of recipes on the Food Network site.

Yes, Cindy was taking credit for recipes concocted by the amazingly bulimic chef Giada De Laurentis and America’s trash bag Rachel Ray!

Shame on you, Cindy. No wonder your husband has such kind things to say about you.

Maximo is one of a not-so-new breed of out-and-proud Mexican wrestlers called exoticos. Apparently, they've been around since the 70's, delighting Mexican audiences with their amazing combination of fey, tinkerbellish prancey-danciness AND their strength and utter determination to win, but they've been experiencing a recent surge in popularity according to articles like THIS.

He's the only exotico I know anything about but clearly he is the BEST of all the exoticos. Just look at that skirt...and look at that smile! Anyway there's a VIDEO of him doing his lucha libre magic after the button pressy thingy.

But can it play a BEAMZ?

(h/t BoingBoing)

The other night I was watching THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK CITY and drinking Robitussin when I had a strange vision!  Housewife BETHENNY appeared to me and took me on a vision quest to discover my SPIRIT HOUSEWIFE.  I awoke with secret knowledge... not just of my own housewifely nature, but also of YOURS!  Because we FEYS are generous, I am choosing to share this knowledge with you, our readers, so that you too can unlock your true REAL HOUSEWIFE POTENTIAL.  Which HOUSEWIFE ARE YOU?!?!!?  Are you Mrs. The Countess De Lesseps?  JILL?  Or even BETHENNY!!!!?  Let's hope you're not ALEX MCCORD VON KAMPEN!!!!  Take the quiz and find out!

This AIDS-awareness webseries "In the Moment" is reasonably well produced, acted, and written, as PSA webisodes go. I mean, it's at least twenty times better than QuarterLife. But it is still worth watching primarily to make fun of the embarrassingly "fierce" faggotiness of the dialogue.

Some dialogue highlights from the first ep: "Who's thirty and dirty?!" "Whore!" "I'm Edgar. You're hot." "And Mike gets discounts with his senior citizen card." "Woof."

The most realistic--and haunting--thing about this video is the terrifying sexual avidity of Edgar's gaze. The guy who checked my groceries at the Wegman's on Santa Monica Blvd used to fix me with an identical (and identically creepy) sexual stare.

Also: is "Woof" making a comeback or something? I thought that expression died in the early 80s, along with all the men who ever used it. Moreover, isn't "Woof" like a come-on or catcall to be used on passers-by, not on ALREADY INTIMATE ACQUAINTANCES? LOL.

Last thing: Why is it that when people type on their laptops in bad movies or TV shows (or, I guess, WEBISODES) they always TYPE SO HARD?

For the second episode of "In the Moment," click here.

(h/t AfterElton)

This news story is about an Australian rugby player who's in hot water for sticking his finger up his opponents' buttholes.

The reporter calls it "disgusting"; I call it necessary roughness.

(h/t PoeTV)

In case this is the only website you read (that is, in case you are my mother) I thought I should break the news here that The McCain Girls were, indeed, just messing around. According to HuffPo, they are the products of comedy site 23/6 and are in no way actual John McCain supporters.

Now that the truth is out, it's kinda funny how little funny there is leftover.

Oh well. Maybe La Pequena is working on something right now.

This is not the only thing of its kind, but THIS random name generator uses U.S. Census records as its source. Somehow it's just better than any I've used before.

Just hit refresh to get new results.

I've only rolled the dice a few times, and I've already gotten some keepers: Shasta Crockett, Noble Couture, Derek Dunkle, Ilana Wisdom, King Gilpin, Marketta Zamarripa. It only took two minutes to come up with a complete set of birthnames for my GAY SUPERHERO TEAM!

(Via John August)

This blind item has me worried about certain Feyfriends icons!  I am not saying which ones; I just hope it is not true.  Or maybe I hope it IS true.  I can't decide.  I just know that I have butterflies in my stomach from thinking about it!

Are you a gay actor looking for a beard? Then look no further. This B/C list actress from at least two very hit television shows is willing to be your beard for a price. Apparently this actress has been approaching actors at parties who the public perceives as gay or are on the fence about and is willing to be their girlfriend for a price. The thing is it gets even better. She is offering more than just the services of a single woman in her 30's to act as a girlfriend. See, our actress is married and her husband is completely on board with the plan. Their idea is that any guy who can break up a marriage or at least appear to break up a marriage must be straight, at least in the eyes of the public. Meanwhile, the gay actor can enjoy fun times with our actress' husband who happens to like playing on both sides of the fence. This just has win/win written all over it doesn't it.

On one hand, WHOEVER this blind item is about is clearly a very disturbed person. On the other hand, it is also clearly a complete genius. On the other hand, does Hollywood's Wealthiest Actress really need the $$? On the other hand, wouldn't it be amazing if she was just in it for the THRILLZ???

(Via Gawker)

Is "Rock Band" just TOO INEXPENSIVE to fit into your high-swank lifestyle? Do the garish "Guitar Hero" guitar controllers clash with the furniture in your condominium? Have you always wanted to try a Theremin, but the idea of buying a USED piece of musical equipment gives you hives?

Then "BEAMZ" is the perfect toy for you!

(h/t Sage)

This is video of an AZN pop group's backup dancer having an onstage seizure. I'm posting this mainly for the Disdainful Glance of Supreme Heartlessness at 19 seconds.

(h/t  PoeTV Hopper)

This guy is so obviously hot I'm afraid it might be a little too easy to guess, so I am going to be a bit light on details upfront. Let's just say that this former PM of Israel is still a VERY PROMINENT figure in Israeli politics...as well as in MY FEVERED SEXUAL FANTASIES.

I will spare you a full recounting. Suffice it to say, they typically involve me in the role of a peacenik Israeli petitioning him at his office at the Likud -- he's the party's current chairman -- and begging him to ease up on his hardline stance on the Occupied Territories; him calling me a hippie weinie and friend of the terrorists, then proceeding to strip and rape me on his desk.

Find out who the Secret Stud is after the Button Pressy Thingy!

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

I always thought that the beautiful and famous are beautiful and famous precisely because they have the discipline to order their Crappuccinos WITHOUT whipped cream and fudge sauce?

Maybe Wenty is planning to split it with his BF Lukey...but EVEN SO!

(via Jezebel)

Okay, I think the honeymoon is finally over between me and Camille!

"Okay, pretend you're retarded!"
"Great, now look over your shoulder and pretend you're giving a rim job!"
"Perfect... once more with PIZAZZ!"

(via Gawker)