So I'm not quite sure when we got into the political endorsement game here at FeyFriends, but the Hillary Clinton thing was obviously decided at some PNP koffee klatsch to which i was not invited. Well unlike Bobo, I am totally an Obama supporter (although of the mildest variety!!) and today I would like to address the topic of "Barack Obama's Mean Priest."
You may or may not have heard that Barack Obama goes to one of those funny giant churches in a football stadium where a disagreeable priest occasionally says "mean" (true) things about America. Well everyone is freaking out about it and I don't understand! For one thing, shouldn't people be happy Obama is Christian? Just a month ago every old person on Earth was taking time out of his/her busy insurance-milking hobby to freak out that Obama was a sinister Muslim and maybe even a sleeper agent for Al Qaeda, Saddam Hussein (they have the same name) or Louis Farrakhan of the Million Mom March. Well now we know he is Christian and I have not heard apologies from any of the 1,000 grandmas who forwarded me e-mails about Obama's muslimnity. Instead they are now fowarding me e-mails about his PRIEST! Well, well, well! Now Obama has a priest! So which is it? Terrorist or American?
Politics is getting so confusing to me! Last time I checked it was PATRIOTIC to be a Christian. So how can a PRIEST be unpatriotic? Especially when heis the head priest of one of those big stadium churches where they have trapezes and hot dogs and clowns and AMERICAN FLAGS? I thought that was what patriots LIKED? Call me old fashioned!
Yes, I understand that Obama's priest may have said some controversial things. But listen-- I went to Catholic church for my entire childhood and I can tell you that NO ONE in church actually listens to what that priest person is saying. For a long time we had a priest that was completely deaf and couldn't even speak! Not because he was deaf but because he was like a hundred and had like totally worn out his vocal chords or something along those lines. And no one cared or noticed in the slightest. Instead of listening in church, my sister and I used to play a game where we would count retarded people in the audience. (There were a lot for some reason.) Sometimes my mom played too. But that is just what faith is all about. What I am saying is that even if Obama's priest did say some unpatriotic things (which I don't even understand how that can be because he is CHRISTIAN!), it's a little unfair to blame Obama. He was probably not even paying attention during that church and had no idea what was going on.
Oh, and one more thing! If people are saying OBAMA'S mean priest is bad, did you know that Hillary Clinton is part of a SECRET KULT OF KONGRESSPEOPLE called "The Fellowship" or "The Family?" It is led by a bunch of NAZI-WORSHIPPING LUNATICS (really!!!) and they operate out of secret CELLS (like terrorists!) in Northern Virginia! Anyway, I know this sounds completely insane but if you don't believe me and my faggy exclamation points, surely you will believe Barbara Ehrenreich, America's Most Courageous Cleaning Lady, writing in the Huffington Post:
Sean Hannity has called Obama's church a "cult," but that term applies far more aptly to Clinton's "Family," which is organized into "cells" -- their term -- and operates sex-segregated group homes for young people in northern Virginia. ...
The Family's most visible activity is its blandly innocuous National Prayer Breakfast, held every February in Washington. But almost all its real work goes on behind the scenes -- knitting together international networks of rightwing leaders, most of them ostensibly Christian. In the 1940s, The Family reached out to former and not-so-former Nazis, and its fascination with that exemplary leader, Adolph Hitler, has continued, along with ties to a whole bestiary of murderous thugs.
Okay, I know the Nazi thing is bad, but I think I'm more creeped out by the "Sex-segregated group homes for young people in northern Virginia." Yes, it could potentially be hot-- but, also totally culty! And Hillary Clinton is apparently part of the ELITE INNER CIRCLE of this so-called Family. I wonder if her CULT NAME is SYCAMORE?!
So: Nazis, weird cult names, secret cells, group homes, "Prayer Breakfasts," Hillary Clinton-- SPOOKY. And it's all made much worse by the fact that this "Family" operates out of Northern Virginia. Fellow Delmarvans surely know that Northern Virginia is one of the world's most fucked-up and disturbing places-- similar to the evil planet of Camazotz from A WRINKLE IN TIME! NoVa is full of giant, glass, windowless skyscrapers, crazy office parks with no offices or people, and even an entire SUBTERRANEAN CITY of MOLE-PERSON RETIREES! The point is that if Hillary Clinton was going to lead an army of cultists, she would surely base her operations out of an insane place like Northern Virginia. There is nowhere else on Earth as kulty.
Have I lost my train of thought? OBVIOUSLY. Listen, I'm not trying to be a Clinton hater because I think that she would make a great prezzie. I think that nice Obama would make a great one too! And I think it's awfully unfair that everyone is getting so excited about Obama's priest when A) What happened to Obama supposedly being MUSLIM?? and B) Hillary Clinton is basically just as bad as David Koresh. (Ironic because all those koresh lovers blame bill and hillary and janet for killing koresh!)
Thank you for your time.
PS Here is the Barbara Ehrenreich/Hillary Clinton Kult link.
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